New year and I have this desire to do a flyover of some of what I am seeing/experiencing at this juncture of my walk through what mom used to call "my so called life" (miss you mom!). Nothing particularly exhaustive or anything. You know, a 'through-the-glass-darkly' type of look. (As if even given enough time and insight I could see my life anymore clearly than through the proverbial dark glass.)
Being still close to the holidays I have to say 2024 Christmas was really something. The whole family was together (minus Keenan who couldn't get time off) for 8+ days. The entire Germany contingent came over. The Pennsylvania branch was here. The Unze family was finally here in Minnesota. We all joined together for a Christmas Eve celebration of 30 at Vernice's party room. There were many other highlights and a few bare mentioning.
There was a professional family photo scheduled and the many shots of different groupings turned out so very, very good! Sandi's dream of such a group photo were finally realized. Not having Keenan available was a definite ding but having as many as were available on a specific day, time and place felt almost miraculous. The first time I looked closely at the group shot of all of us, I felt the Spirit of Truth speaking to me. What started out 24 years ago simply as a man in love with Sandi had now morphed into something so much bigger. The photo depicts a virtual domain in which I have been grafted in. As I stare at the faces in the photo I am profoundly humbled at what God has wrought...profound beauty out of what for a time was just ashes. It leaves me in an attitude of tears filled with a deep humbleness mixed with a profound gratitude....even joy.
Our time together was long enough to really enjoy one another, to spend goodly amounts of time chatting and laughing. Our blended family operated as being well-blended, full of love and mutual respect. There were many shared meals, some walks, games. And it turns out that many little glass ducks appeared from their strategic hiding places throughout the bricks and mortar of 453 Carol. There is no question...the 2024 Christmas was truly an amazing God-given gift to our entire family!
In other news: So wow!, getting older. If I am to be transparent (and I want to be) there are a number of things that aren't what they used to be. Memory for one. I forgot what the second thing is (cheap joke!) It's short term retrieval issues- where I have a great thought or question on my morning walk and then can't remember what it was hours later. On one hand, I am months away from 78 years old. On second hand I....forgot (nope,still not funny). I am certainly a pragmatist and I don't expect to get through this journey with every faculty intact. Nonetheless, it is still sobering when I notice the slippage of faculties.
Tinnitus has been with me for a couple of years. While it's tolerable the thought of possible serious inner ear issues gives me the willies. There are balance issues that are making themselves known. Flexibility has never been great and it gets worse with time. (Geesh Santiago, maybe if you overcame your hatred of stretching and started even a modest routine?) And hearing...Sandi and I sometimes just have to laugh at what we think the other just said. The volume on TV tends to climb from 15 at one point and now hovers around 18. And everyone just seems to mumble more lately especially in a crowded room. Injuries linger longer, multi-tasking is less fluid, heck sometimes impossible. When it's time to concentrate I increasingly depend on quiet without interruptions in order to function well. That wasn't always the case.
So that's probably enough of that. There is more but the purpose of me mentioning is not to depress myself, only to acknowledge that as 80 fast approaches it does not do so in a human life without it's share of decrepitude. I will just keep walking 30 miles a week until I can't. Daily movement is my practice to keep as much physical fallout to a minimum as possible.
And what of my focus on union with Christ over the last seven years....how is that going? Well....lifting the tarp to peek underneath to check on how the transformation process is coming along is a dubious thing to do. A deeper commitment to self surrender and abandonment doesn't support such progress checks and I believe any attempts at doing so will always be met by kingdom correction. Mere human Jim is eager to see some positive changes, some advancement in 'more of Jesus and less of Jimbo'. Alas, my pause to take a look-see is only met with signs of continued I-ness. I am learning that looking for progress is not on the approved list of activities. Neh, neh my liege. Must leave the worldly dependence on progress reports for motivation and rely instead simply on trusting and obeying for there is no other way-ing. (Geesh!....lame.)
In summary, I am one grateful guy. Reflecting on the past decades clearly points out the love and grace of God in my life. I did a lot 'my way' in the first three innings of the ballgame. And yes, some more shenanigans in the fourth inning even after stepping into the kingdom. Heck, the whole ballgame was and is rife with falling. A staggering amount of humiliations and missteps requiring the forgiveness of Father. And he did forgive, he is forgiving, he does make his love for me evident. When I see it for what it is I stand in knee-wobbling awe and gratitude that I have been welcomed into an eternal, upside-down kingdom that is as foreign to my natural nature as can be. And yet....and yet... I absolutely believe it is true and I press on toward the upward call of my King!
Maranatha Lord!
