Lazy, lazy river.....

Transformation (Metamorphosis)

Believing it’s possible

Still believing…..

Desire for that which self abhors

Elusive, resisting all frontal assaults

Tangentially approached

Like a star only seen

While looking slightly aside it

Others needed, individualism bristles

If not done solo then how via neighbor?

Abandonment, surrender, the currency of such change

From inside out, for me, by One greater than I

With my assent, for sure, in attitude of humility

Exasperation ever lurking

Monotonously urging

Toss in that towel and join Jimmy Buffet

But you've already traveled such cul-de-sac routes

No light there…. no light there

So open clenched hands and catch

The dripping grace of Abba’s patience

Who suffers long for his child’s journey

Never tiring, endless love, offering what’s sought

Enter my child, keep joy as you pursue

End of self, rich life, outward focused

Time has come, so very worth it

Shared cross, receiving all that’s broken

Yes indeed, it’s all so possible

Still believing, still believing……

Thirty some days since last posting, the summer blazes on, seeking to fry all in its path. I guess I actually have a dream. Alert the media!  And that from a guy who has always sucked at dreaming.  There's a lot I don't care for regarding my wiring and being overly pragmatic is one of them. For me, it tends to shut down possibility thinking about as fast as a young hosta in the presence of deer!

But I do want to write. It's a mode of expression that resonates with me. As I read good writers I never cease to be amazed at how good written words can move a reader into the whole spectrum of emotion. It can inspire, convict, encourage and spawn dreams of doing so myself. 

Last night at home church I saw something familiar about me that is one of several items in dire need of transformation.....a lazy streak.  We were discussing simplicity and simplifying both conceptually and practically.  Several shared how written lists can be so freeing.  Getting things down on paper, out of the mind so that there is more bandwidth for mental free thinking/concentration.  Some keep paper by bed, by where they read and pray, and on several counters.  I really don't need to be convinced of how effective this can be....I already am a believer.  But why don't I more frequently utilize such tools....??

Because writing takes effort. Too often I allow the illusion that just putting a thought into some kind of short term memory folder will suffice..call it the power of compartmentalizing. But it's all a ruse...it really doesn't work for me.

Some aspects of my work require skills that come into play in the old game of Concentration...remembering where the matching picture is on a grid.  Who was that guy with OR spine experience that called me last week in Oklahoma?  I was so sure I would just remember at the time...didn't take the time to make him discover-able in the database. Freaking laziness my man.....

Out on the screen porch early this Saturday morning, listening to the day come alive. First birds that decide to break the night silence with their fresh songs for the new day.  I so love that time and the feeling of being a privileged observer of the natural kingdom of which I have no control. Started thinking about what I should bring to home church that evening for our offering time. Father graciously prompted me to write a poem and call it Transformation.  A seemingly crazy prompt to a Santiago who is certainly no poet (as I said in my head as He prompted me). But I have no paper and nothing to write with and that was almost that.  Except in this instance the prompting wouldn't go away and I was able to raise my lazy butt out of the chair to go downstairs and steal from the printer.

Nonetheless, a character trait that is troubling to me. It gets in the way.  Good things like dreams of writing take effort and laziness too easily derails.  In saying this, by the way, I am not beating myself up...nope, I have declared a truce on that crap.  Nonetheless, a non-helpful trait like laziness needs to be dragged out into the hot sun of the day, be named, be found guilty and sentenced to being banished. And so I do....