Life Story

So last night was house church.  Such a sweet time...watching the evening orchestrated via a light facilitator's touch allowing Father to speak to us and minister. We are regularly giving time to have each person tell their life story, to better understand what all has gone into making each of the strands being woven into a glorious kingdom fabric.

Well, it was my turn last night.  I approached the night with dread and angst. Behind these feelings was the conflicting pull of simultaneously yearning to be transparent while fearing that I would no longer be liked if I was.  Thirty minutes to encompass, in my case, 65 years. Seems both reasonable and preposterous....certainly more of an espresso version than a 64oz Big Gulp!

In my time with Jesus this morning I was smitten by a couple of things. On one hand I am re-reading 1000 Gifts by Ann VosKamp.  Listing my thanks has become a personal discipline since last April (#552) and it has been ever so good...building trust as I first notice, pause and appreciate, then give thanks for the myriad ways a loving Father shepherds me through my sojourn.  The world scoffs at such things and incessantly encourages me to join in.  But no, El Senor can be trusted, he indeed has my back and my hand in his is where it needs to be.

So, as I was saying, smitten.  That's a pretty pungent word. It can be positive or negative (just ask the uncircumcised Hittites!).  What got to me was the combination of reading powerful word combinations, seeing them unlock pearls of great price, coupled with flashes of my life story going on in my mind's background.

"Sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me."  That is just not true...another one of the deceiver's many lies put forth as truth.  Words in fact can have a power that vies with the nuclear . They incite wars, dissolve marriages, they usher in healing and encourage others to summit their personal Everests.  I am in awe of Ann's use of words and how they unlock and flesh out and poetically transport from darkness to light. I would love to be able to somehow send Ann into many situations/places to have her apply her word skills to bring to life the core of truth that there is be to be had.

Yes, words and my life story. Reflecting on a 30 minute, 500' flyby of the twists and turns called my life. Oh man, there is indeed a Hound of Heaven and a Wild Goose and my life is full of the evidence of their involvement, care, love and concern for me.  Imagine that Santiago. You have been invited to the Triune dance and you get to move and participate and be loved and sustained by the very creator of whale songs and galactic star tones. Oh how I yearn to author words to describe my gratitude for the inexplicable grace of unconditional love and acceptance.  Oh how I hunger to march in Father's army ministering words of life and freedom, calling out lies, tearing down strongholds and joining my Jesus in freeing the prisoners.

For I see that I have been freed. He says respond, respond!  Oh give me words that might do justice to expressing my thanks Abba.  You have seen me, you have kneeled down and picked me up, dusted me off and sent me back in.  How can I express what screams from within? I let out a long, silent scream driven by what is unfathomable. I, the lowliest of saints (sorry, below you Paul!) have been called up and in. Up and in to co-reigning. Words, Father, words that for now escape me to even come close.....

I fold up my tent of effort and sit before you, at your right hand, where you have raised me up to dwell. I humbly surrender to the two best words that are mine to be had....Thank you!