And then entered the idea of Camino

For months now I have been pretty absorbed by all things related to the Camino de Santiago. Starting innocently enough with my second viewing of the movie The Way with Martin Sheen, I turned to Sandi about 45 minutes in and naively said "I am going to do this". I have been smitten to varying levels ever since and have now come here to thrash through and make more sense of the myriad of mental fragments that are a swirlin'!

Over time, the sort of casualness of my almost flippant "I am going to do this" comment has morphed significantly. The Camino has shown itself to be not just my idea but an invitation from Father. An invitation to go with him on a long walk across northern Spain. To marry a grand, 6 week challenge with my pursuit of vine/branch intimacy in a truly epic adventure smack dab between third base and home.  Phew!  I did not see this coming!!

After getting a green light from Sandi, hearing the kudos of many admiring well-wishers and finding a community of like-minded pilgrims at APOC, much of the initial euphoria has passed  I am left with a sober sense of the realities associated with actually doing this.  Can my 72/73 yo body actually walk 12 - 15 miles a day for 6 days a week for 5 or 6 weeks?  Can/should I voluntarily separate myself from the daily responsibilities and nurturing of my daily life?  Other than my time in CA as a hedonistic, would-be hippie, I have no experience that even approaches such a possibility.

Am I being selfish? Is this just a return to life being about me with no regard to those who depend on me? Is this an entirely outlandish, unnecessary risk? Is this fostered by an end-of-life crisis similar to the mid-life variety often seen in men? Am I deluding myself in thinking that Jesus is actually calling me to this? Is Jess joining me in Sarria fueling what is in actuality a mere pipe dream?

I have done enough of the preliminary research to understand necessary equipment, travel arrangements that would need to be made, timing of the trip (Sept 6 to Oct 21 or 22?), paying bills ahead, Scott might cut my grass, etc., etc.  The reality of jumping off the perfectly good airplane faces me now. Buying the ticket, casting the die. I guess counting the cost is not a bad idea. But the range of potential cost is vast....ranging from getting temporarily lost to having my lifeless body (ashes) shipped back to the U.S.   How crushing to have to return early because I couldn't mentally/emotionally cut it! That would be a tough sort of last chapter legacy to have to own.....

So I come here to name it, confess it, to thrash around with it. Jesus, are you actually in this? Are you indeed giving me the gift of a late inning epic calling to such an adventure? Do I have kingdom permission to say Yes? I will pause here and let this simmer.  When I come back and read the above I ask for clarity from you to either back me off or push me over the edge.  Either way Lord, I must decrease and you must increase.