Thrashing about on a Saturday night

So it's 11:30PM, sitting here in one of those exhausted but stirred up modes. My youngest, Jenna, graduated today from UMD. My Mom and Sandi joined me to watch the ceremonies and congratulate my daughter's 5 years of tenacity. So what's the deal, why do I sit here in this funk, this kind of dark agitation?

Took a tour through some of the blogs....at least some of the ones listed on others blog sites. This little tour provided some relief from whatever is bugging me. Oh Terri, you were hurting and I didn't even know it til' I guess it was over. How strange to feel bad about that....we hardly even know one another but this blogland thing sure makes it feel otherwise. Di's reminder to stay on the coverage of the bootcamp, the incredible poem she has recently posted, Marcell's ode to Babe and soaring symphony featuring an organ, Danny's missional ministry house coming together, Greg's shout out to Jen, the lovely Kirsten and her boutique of words and poems and pictures, Dean getting the family established in Switzerland, Dave's sports riffs. Thank you one and all, you all ministered to me on this night in ways you can't know.

Jenna's Mom and her husband shared the day up in Duluth as well,as did my oldest Jessica and her beau Adam. Given my recent posts, spending time with both of my daughters and the interplay of current and former spouses has, I believe, contributed to whatever this vague malaise I find myself soaking in. Kind of a day spent in the Hamilton Beach blender on the frappe' setting of past, present and glimpses of future. Now just pour out this yummy concoction into chilled serving glasses and enjoy!

Jeesh, just go to bed Santiago. Yeah, but I would really like to put my finger on what this swirly thing around me is that I might process it accordingly and be done with it. Sat outside for awhile on my back looking at the stars, searching for God's voice, his word for me, his directions out of this mental maze. Did some warfare counter measures and bound, gagged and blinded every strategy of the foul spirits wishing to take me out. Walked the perimeter of my domain.
Nevertheless, I sit here clicking away at this keyboard like a chicken runs around after it's head has been chopped off. Don't feel like I'm getting any closer to clarity. Is it HR, the Canadian bootcamp, the embers of today's fires up north? What up Hoppy?

I can't help but feel that part of it is just that feeling of being kind of lost, overwhelmed by surrounding fog, feeling a total absence of any sort of control. Today a big chunk of life (ie. Jenna completing her degree) fell into place, time demonstrated that it indeed is marching on and I am just left with this sense of humbling angst and feeling like I am just off in the margins. I make no agreements with any of this!

Valid question: Why post all this crap? Pissed off answer: Because it's my blog and I just felt like thrashing around, regardless of whether or not resolution is to be found. Thrashing for thrashings sake. OK, time to put a merciful end to this unedifying meandering. I guess I will hit the ol' Publish Post button by way of leaving a sample, a veritable specimen, of the kind of loopy nonsense I sometimes find myself immersed in. Certainly won't be accused of trying to impress by laying down this kind of drivel...
Here's to a better morning....