Insight is a wonderful thing. I get some every so often and it blesses me to my core because I know from where it comes. It was Thursday and I ventured out to a most unpleasant venue....a mall. Why? Because it housed a JC Penney's and a Macy's, both of which carry a wide selection of Levis jeans. I was on the hunt for some jeans like I used to buy with a classic cut and no "extra room in the seat or thigh". Those parts of me don't need extra room....it's above the belt where the issues lie.
But I digress. The JCP clerk told me to head downstairs but to take the elevator as the down escalator was under repair. Off I went, pushed the down button and waited....waited for what seemed to be an extra long time. Finally the door slowly opened and out tottered an old man, bent over, with a quad-cane in his right hand and a package in his left. I passed by him as I entered the elevator and as I passed him he looked at me and, as he thrust the package toward me, said "Here, carry this for me to the front door". Wow, didn't see this coming.....
So what transpired in my mind took about 3-5 seconds. It started ugly. I could hear "Say what? Who do you think I am, a personal assistant? But then Kingdom sanity broke in and I was aware of a "Wait a minute! I've seen this before.....my answer is to simply say OK and accommodate him. I had failed a similar Pop Quiz at the mission some months before and was shown a painful side of my false self. Here was another go at it. I muttered out a somewhat reluctant OK (it was a weak assent, not a glorious be-ready-in-all-circumstances,victorious "Absolutely!").
While we walked to the "front door", I was able to re-order my selfish emotions, get them shut up and seated and walk as a servant, not as a man who is in the middle of his own circle of life. He said he was 93 and it was hard to get around but he could still get out some and he had gotten some fantastic bargains and it was all possible because he had never been a drinking man. Phew, all in one breath! We turned a corner and there was a younger woman with the look of someone looking for someone. I presume it was his daughter. She looked at me with a somewhat puzzled look. I gave her the package and simply said "He asked me to carry this for him." No thank you's, no graceful good-byes. Simply an abrupt conclusion to what I call a spiritual Pop Quiz.
My walk these days has me squarely in an arena that sounds like this: I am a branch in desperate need to be fused with the Vine of life. I have finally accepted the fact that...."apart from me you can do nothing." (Seven decades to accept this fact is hardly a world record!) As a branch, my choice isn't an optional decision. Not being able to do anything is the starkest of statements as to what my chances are away from the Vine.
One of the books I find myself soaking in is Frank Laubach's Letters by a Modern Mystic. The heart of what he shares in this book connects with my deepest pools. In today's reading he said if asked his chief difficulty in serving the people group he was called to, his answer is: " No chief difficulty really except to keep ready spiritually." (Italics mine) And, as declared in the paragraph above, my being ready will never be accomplished through greater personal effort....but only by a dynamic abiding in the Vine who came to rescue me and restore me into who I am meant to be...to give me the wherewithal to "be ready spiritually".
Abiding is a particularly winsome type of activity. It has much more to do with not doing, certainly not striving. A kind of none active activity I mostly appreciate the Pop Quizzes. While having nothing to do with getting an A or advancing to the next grade, they serve as a potent reminder and provide some feedback on the quality of my abiding. Santiago, although I understand it's not about getting grades, nevertheless, I personally see you getting a C- on the quiz containing a 93 year old Jesus. While there are miles to go, you didn't get an F this time! Rejoice! Abide!
Saturday, February 8, 2020
Saturday, January 25, 2020
Thoughts on being 'missional'
My question today is whether or not this everyday guy, bereft of M.Div,, Dr.Div or any other type of theological sheepskin, might dare attempt to add clarity to the fuzziness that seems so often to surround the use of the word 'missional' in today's Christian communities. Not knowing the answer in advance of attempting to say some words about it, I have decided to give it a whirl.
As part of a house church of around 30 followers of Jesus, we hold as one of our commitments to: "actively live as missional witnesses by displaying agape love and proclaiming the good news of the kingdom to those in need, those in our relational networks, and those in local or global neighborhoods as God leads." As we continue in our meeting together and maturing as a body, we are often a bit troubled by feelings of not adequately fulfilling this commitment.
Some of that troubled feeling can be in response to feeling too inner-focused on our weekly meetings and growth as a community. It is as if "being missional" is some kind of separate activity that lies outside our focus on covenant family, mutual ministry, gifts of the spirit and spiritual disciplines, However, being missional is far more broad than just the proclamation of the salvation message on a street corner. The Missio Dei is not merely a message of words to be heard and believed. It is far more organic than that! It is to establish the image of God on earth as it is in heaven and to do so through agape communities that reflect the character of God and that function as a living reality that others can see,experience and be invited into.
Thus, all of our daily walk with God is a part of being missional, part of helping us carry on the mission of Jesus. If we are going to "go out", to "be sent" into the world to witness to the kingdom of God on earth we must embody the reality of the good news of the kingdom both personally and as a community or we really have nothing to offer others.'
It seems good to see the order of how this all works. As an individual, I submit myself to Jesus and invite him into my life each day to transform me into his image. I do this by giving our relationship time each day, through following spiritual disciplines, and by pursing and developing the spiritual gifts that have been given to me. On a weekly basis, I meet together with my core group of 3-5, our house church and bring what I have heard and am learning in a spirit of mutual submission and mutual responsibility. As I join others in this, by Gods' grace, our community grows and matures and becomes and ever increasing reflection of the kingdom of God on earth as it is in heaven.
Being mindful of the great commission, I can now go out into the world and bring the good news of the kingdom and invite others in to become disciples of Christ. But let's be real, this is easier said than done. We live in a post-Christian culture and most non-believers are deaf to the relevancy of Jesus' invitation to become part of a spiritual, redeemed kingdom (the dome in which God is King).
So sharing the kingdom with others is going to flow more through how others experience me as a fellow human. They will notice how I am, how I conduct myself, whether I seem authentic in my caring and my engaging them with active listening and good questions. In this case, I am the gospel and I share it through my actions and behavior more than through words. And when I do speak, the alignment of what I say with how I live will definitely go under the microscope. Still easier said than done but being an embodiment of the gospel is going to beat merely speaking about the gospel every time.
This is how I see it at this stage of my sojourn which as described earlier as being in the bottom of the 7th and I have just touched or rounded 3rd base. My current way of thinking is now captured in this post and I will see how it stands the test of time. If it doesn't, it won't be the first time I have returned to a prior writing and been totally embarrassed about how I once thought. Time will tell.....
Thanks for dropping by Santiago....you are welcome anytime....
As part of a house church of around 30 followers of Jesus, we hold as one of our commitments to: "actively live as missional witnesses by displaying agape love and proclaiming the good news of the kingdom to those in need, those in our relational networks, and those in local or global neighborhoods as God leads." As we continue in our meeting together and maturing as a body, we are often a bit troubled by feelings of not adequately fulfilling this commitment.
Some of that troubled feeling can be in response to feeling too inner-focused on our weekly meetings and growth as a community. It is as if "being missional" is some kind of separate activity that lies outside our focus on covenant family, mutual ministry, gifts of the spirit and spiritual disciplines, However, being missional is far more broad than just the proclamation of the salvation message on a street corner. The Missio Dei is not merely a message of words to be heard and believed. It is far more organic than that! It is to establish the image of God on earth as it is in heaven and to do so through agape communities that reflect the character of God and that function as a living reality that others can see,experience and be invited into.
Thus, all of our daily walk with God is a part of being missional, part of helping us carry on the mission of Jesus. If we are going to "go out", to "be sent" into the world to witness to the kingdom of God on earth we must embody the reality of the good news of the kingdom both personally and as a community or we really have nothing to offer others.'
It seems good to see the order of how this all works. As an individual, I submit myself to Jesus and invite him into my life each day to transform me into his image. I do this by giving our relationship time each day, through following spiritual disciplines, and by pursing and developing the spiritual gifts that have been given to me. On a weekly basis, I meet together with my core group of 3-5, our house church and bring what I have heard and am learning in a spirit of mutual submission and mutual responsibility. As I join others in this, by Gods' grace, our community grows and matures and becomes and ever increasing reflection of the kingdom of God on earth as it is in heaven.
Being mindful of the great commission, I can now go out into the world and bring the good news of the kingdom and invite others in to become disciples of Christ. But let's be real, this is easier said than done. We live in a post-Christian culture and most non-believers are deaf to the relevancy of Jesus' invitation to become part of a spiritual, redeemed kingdom (the dome in which God is King).
So sharing the kingdom with others is going to flow more through how others experience me as a fellow human. They will notice how I am, how I conduct myself, whether I seem authentic in my caring and my engaging them with active listening and good questions. In this case, I am the gospel and I share it through my actions and behavior more than through words. And when I do speak, the alignment of what I say with how I live will definitely go under the microscope. Still easier said than done but being an embodiment of the gospel is going to beat merely speaking about the gospel every time.
This is how I see it at this stage of my sojourn which as described earlier as being in the bottom of the 7th and I have just touched or rounded 3rd base. My current way of thinking is now captured in this post and I will see how it stands the test of time. If it doesn't, it won't be the first time I have returned to a prior writing and been totally embarrassed about how I once thought. Time will tell.....
Thanks for dropping by Santiago....you are welcome anytime....
Wednesday, January 22, 2020
Camino considerations....Part 2
So I did let my initial Camino writing simmer for a good while. When I read it I did have a bit more clarity. Especially about whether this is legitimately something that I am to actually embark upon. I think Yes, this is a real invitation and my main hesitancy seems to come from my own self doubts and internal fears, not whether or nor Father is actually inviting me....I believe he is and I feel even less comfortable saying No than proceeding. I am currently circling the process of buying a ticket either on my own or via Ted Groat (although that option is looking questionable right now).
Since last writing I have had to come to grips with what has been a chronic hamstring/right piriformis issue. First couple of miles up to 5 miles are OK but then the muscles tightening and the pain in the right butt get to be quite distracting. My concern is that just stretching and trying to keep on walking through it is not getting me to the improvement I will need for a successful Camino.
But these physical hiccups have brought me to a new agreement with myself re: the Camino. I do not require myself to walk each step from St. Jean to Santiago. For that matter, not even sure if I have to start in St. Jean. My goal is to do the entire Camino by whatever means necessary to complete and a combination of walking, resting and busing may be what "my Camino" turns out to be. AND THAT IS OK!! For that matter, maybe I don't even do the Pyrenees at all, maybe I start in Roncesvalles. That is not what I hope for but I have put my inner slave-driver on notice that he is not in charge. My Camino, my meeting up with Jess will occur on the terms Jesus provides for me regardless of how that turns out.
Meanwhile, I am taking steps to address my chronic ham/piriformis situation. I am going to stop my walking now for up to 8 weeks to let a total healing take place. That puts my next walk....and a short one to ease me back in, on or about Paul's birthday, March 12. For now, I will have to turn to the distasteful regimen of swimming and maybe lifting. I will also be making an appointment with Mitch to assess my alignment to see if there is anything in that regard that is contributing to my problems.
My latest wrinkle/consideration is that I went on Booking.com app to check on availability at Roncesvalles alburgue and it is already booked for Sept 8,9. Yikes, has Camino spiked in popularity so much as to make getting a room a major problem....time will tell but I think I will rethink booking an airline ticket at this point until I find our more info.
So the Camino provides! Within five hours from writing the above paragraph things have a totally different outlook. My Camino angel, Jim McCaffrey has agreed to meet me today, 1/21/20 at 2:30 to help me actually book St. Jean, Orisson and Roncesvalles for Sept 7,8,9. If this goes as planned I will solidify flight itinerary sent by Ted Groat for approx $820 and the die will be cast. Thank you Father for guiding me into these apparent solutions!! I will update this after this afternoon with what transpires......
A couple hours with my Camino angel, Jim McCaffrey, has me reservations at Beilari in St. Jean, Orisson and Roncesvalles. I will stay in Pamplona (will need to make reservations there) on the night of the 7th of Sept., bus to St Jean on the 8th and stay at Beilari and then head for Orisson on the 9th and Roncesvalles on the 10th. I also had Ted Groat book the missionary fare flights on Am Airlines.
THE DIE IS CAST!!
Since last writing I have had to come to grips with what has been a chronic hamstring/right piriformis issue. First couple of miles up to 5 miles are OK but then the muscles tightening and the pain in the right butt get to be quite distracting. My concern is that just stretching and trying to keep on walking through it is not getting me to the improvement I will need for a successful Camino.
But these physical hiccups have brought me to a new agreement with myself re: the Camino. I do not require myself to walk each step from St. Jean to Santiago. For that matter, not even sure if I have to start in St. Jean. My goal is to do the entire Camino by whatever means necessary to complete and a combination of walking, resting and busing may be what "my Camino" turns out to be. AND THAT IS OK!! For that matter, maybe I don't even do the Pyrenees at all, maybe I start in Roncesvalles. That is not what I hope for but I have put my inner slave-driver on notice that he is not in charge. My Camino, my meeting up with Jess will occur on the terms Jesus provides for me regardless of how that turns out.
Meanwhile, I am taking steps to address my chronic ham/piriformis situation. I am going to stop my walking now for up to 8 weeks to let a total healing take place. That puts my next walk....and a short one to ease me back in, on or about Paul's birthday, March 12. For now, I will have to turn to the distasteful regimen of swimming and maybe lifting. I will also be making an appointment with Mitch to assess my alignment to see if there is anything in that regard that is contributing to my problems.
My latest wrinkle/consideration is that I went on Booking.com app to check on availability at Roncesvalles alburgue and it is already booked for Sept 8,9. Yikes, has Camino spiked in popularity so much as to make getting a room a major problem....time will tell but I think I will rethink booking an airline ticket at this point until I find our more info.
So the Camino provides! Within five hours from writing the above paragraph things have a totally different outlook. My Camino angel, Jim McCaffrey has agreed to meet me today, 1/21/20 at 2:30 to help me actually book St. Jean, Orisson and Roncesvalles for Sept 7,8,9. If this goes as planned I will solidify flight itinerary sent by Ted Groat for approx $820 and the die will be cast. Thank you Father for guiding me into these apparent solutions!! I will update this after this afternoon with what transpires......
A couple hours with my Camino angel, Jim McCaffrey, has me reservations at Beilari in St. Jean, Orisson and Roncesvalles. I will stay in Pamplona (will need to make reservations there) on the night of the 7th of Sept., bus to St Jean on the 8th and stay at Beilari and then head for Orisson on the 9th and Roncesvalles on the 10th. I also had Ted Groat book the missionary fare flights on Am Airlines.
THE DIE IS CAST!!
Monday, January 20, 2020
And then entered the idea of Camino
For months now I have been pretty absorbed by all things related to the Camino de Santiago. Starting innocently enough with my second viewing of the movie The Way with Martin Sheen, I turned to Sandi about 45 minutes in and naively said "I am going to do this". I have been smitten to varying levels ever since and have now come here to thrash through and make more sense of the myriad of mental fragments that are a swirlin'!
Over time, the sort of casualness of my almost flippant "I am going to do this" comment has morphed significantly. The Camino has shown itself to be not just my idea but an invitation from Father. An invitation to go with him on a long walk across northern Spain. To marry a grand, 6 week challenge with my pursuit of vine/branch intimacy in a truly epic adventure smack dab between third base and home. Phew! I did not see this coming!!
After getting a green light from Sandi, hearing the kudos of many admiring well-wishers and finding a community of like-minded pilgrims at APOC, much of the initial euphoria has passed I am left with a sober sense of the realities associated with actually doing this. Can my 72/73 yo body actually walk 12 - 15 miles a day for 6 days a week for 5 or 6 weeks? Can/should I voluntarily separate myself from the daily responsibilities and nurturing of my daily life? Other than my time in CA as a hedonistic, would-be hippie, I have no experience that even approaches such a possibility.
Am I being selfish? Is this just a return to life being about me with no regard to those who depend on me? Is this an entirely outlandish, unnecessary risk? Is this fostered by an end-of-life crisis similar to the mid-life variety often seen in men? Am I deluding myself in thinking that Jesus is actually calling me to this? Is Jess joining me in Sarria fueling what is in actuality a mere pipe dream?
I have done enough of the preliminary research to understand necessary equipment, travel arrangements that would need to be made, timing of the trip (Sept 6 to Oct 21 or 22?), paying bills ahead, Scott might cut my grass, etc., etc. The reality of jumping off the perfectly good airplane faces me now. Buying the ticket, casting the die. I guess counting the cost is not a bad idea. But the range of potential cost is vast....ranging from getting temporarily lost to having my lifeless body (ashes) shipped back to the U.S. How crushing to have to return early because I couldn't mentally/emotionally cut it! That would be a tough sort of last chapter legacy to have to own.....
So I come here to name it, confess it, to thrash around with it. Jesus, are you actually in this? Are you indeed giving me the gift of a late inning epic calling to such an adventure? Do I have kingdom permission to say Yes? I will pause here and let this simmer. When I come back and read the above I ask for clarity from you to either back me off or push me over the edge. Either way Lord, I must decrease and you must increase.
Over time, the sort of casualness of my almost flippant "I am going to do this" comment has morphed significantly. The Camino has shown itself to be not just my idea but an invitation from Father. An invitation to go with him on a long walk across northern Spain. To marry a grand, 6 week challenge with my pursuit of vine/branch intimacy in a truly epic adventure smack dab between third base and home. Phew! I did not see this coming!!
After getting a green light from Sandi, hearing the kudos of many admiring well-wishers and finding a community of like-minded pilgrims at APOC, much of the initial euphoria has passed I am left with a sober sense of the realities associated with actually doing this. Can my 72/73 yo body actually walk 12 - 15 miles a day for 6 days a week for 5 or 6 weeks? Can/should I voluntarily separate myself from the daily responsibilities and nurturing of my daily life? Other than my time in CA as a hedonistic, would-be hippie, I have no experience that even approaches such a possibility.
Am I being selfish? Is this just a return to life being about me with no regard to those who depend on me? Is this an entirely outlandish, unnecessary risk? Is this fostered by an end-of-life crisis similar to the mid-life variety often seen in men? Am I deluding myself in thinking that Jesus is actually calling me to this? Is Jess joining me in Sarria fueling what is in actuality a mere pipe dream?
I have done enough of the preliminary research to understand necessary equipment, travel arrangements that would need to be made, timing of the trip (Sept 6 to Oct 21 or 22?), paying bills ahead, Scott might cut my grass, etc., etc. The reality of jumping off the perfectly good airplane faces me now. Buying the ticket, casting the die. I guess counting the cost is not a bad idea. But the range of potential cost is vast....ranging from getting temporarily lost to having my lifeless body (ashes) shipped back to the U.S. How crushing to have to return early because I couldn't mentally/emotionally cut it! That would be a tough sort of last chapter legacy to have to own.....
So I come here to name it, confess it, to thrash around with it. Jesus, are you actually in this? Are you indeed giving me the gift of a late inning epic calling to such an adventure? Do I have kingdom permission to say Yes? I will pause here and let this simmer. When I come back and read the above I ask for clarity from you to either back me off or push me over the edge. Either way Lord, I must decrease and you must increase.
Sunday, January 12, 2020
Purpose heh? Part 2 of 2
Ok, baseball-related metaphor: If each base is roughly 24 years, then at my age I am right at third base. Might be a few feet in front of it or, perhaps, I have even just rounded it. The point is that if home plate is the end/goal of this sojourn through life then I have completed 75% of the journey. It's taken some time and in baseball time I expect I am presently right around the bottoem of the seventh inning. Of course this is assuming I get to play all nine innings.... that nothing comes onto the stage that would rob me of the last bits of my ballgame.
On one hand, this can just be viewed as a matter-of-fact piece of reality. But that is not how it came to me. I was cruising through life with nary a thought as to where I was in the grand scheme of things. It wasn't until retirement came along, some time of brooding reflection occurred, and a friend or two received life-threatening diagnoses that I was slapped into a sober awareness of just where I was presently situated in the game of life. Prior to this, I was blissfully just grinding along as though the world was indeed my oyster and my quiver was chock-full of an endless supply of tomorrows.
So coming to grips with where I am in the sojourn helps foster an eternal perspective. Not because of any inherent spiritual or philosophical skill sets I possess. It's simply a fact that the sand is running out of the temporal hour glass and focusing on mere passing fancies just doesn't hold my interest any longer. John 15:5 opened up to me one recent day and it has made all the difference "I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in me, and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing."
It's the last part of that verse that has jumped out at me and has been informing my entire outlook, my reality, my prioritization of life. If I can indeed do nothing apart from him then my entire mission in life is to eliminate being apart from him. Intimacy with Christ cannot be a mere sentiment or distant, lofty goal. It must become the fibers of each day I am given and I must be open to ruthlessly eliminating all that would make me believe the lie of self-sufficiency.
A challenge is that this can all seem so idealistic, so apparently non-attainable, so utterly dependent on someone outside of myself to make it happen. What could be less pragmatic? "Heh Santiago, what have you been up to lately? Oh, pursuing intimacy with Christ, increasing the radical aspects of my surrender and dependence on Christ. Nothing really special......" Zowsa!! And yet, yep, that is the conclusion I have reached based on the impossibility of doing anything of any kingdom value apart from him.
So how to proceed given that my outlook finds me peering into such a misty vista that reappears afresh each day. Coupled with my addiction to producing a sense of daily accomplishment serves only to make it all the more uncomfortable and disorienting. Now that I have achieved the elusive goal of retirement, many of the things that used to serve to make me feel useful and productive are gone. Much of my life has been chimerical. I now stand more exposed as a human being....the Wizard's curtain now removed. No more career and related activities to serve as a sort of stand-in for feeling good about myself. Now, my identity feels more bare naked, sometimes squirming under the noon-day sun with nowhere to hide.
It's normally a bad thing to be backed into a corner. But now, I'm not so sure that Jesus hasn't apprehended me, opened my eyes to the reality that is his for me. I'm sure resistance is futile....I only don't want to fight against it any longer. Apart from Jesus, I can do nothing so my life must focus on ruthlessly eliminating everything Jesus points out to me that is keeping us apart.
Lord, protect me from losing my focus on this truth. There is no next thing calling me that is more critical than the union point of my branch to your vine. Father, I believe I yearn to be part of the triune dance. Give me the drive and energy to stay on this trail that brings me closer to you. Purge me of all false lovers and every impostor offering easier, counterfeit versions of such an intimacy . Bring me the fellowship of like-minded pilgrims who are in sync with seeing things similarly. Have your way in my transformation Holy Spirit....you know what I am intended to be, you have the way of my transformation into your image fully in mind. It's to you I surrender my self-efforts and all artificial trappings designed only to impress and fool others.
Play ball!
So coming to grips with where I am in the sojourn helps foster an eternal perspective. Not because of any inherent spiritual or philosophical skill sets I possess. It's simply a fact that the sand is running out of the temporal hour glass and focusing on mere passing fancies just doesn't hold my interest any longer. John 15:5 opened up to me one recent day and it has made all the difference "I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in me, and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing."
It's the last part of that verse that has jumped out at me and has been informing my entire outlook, my reality, my prioritization of life. If I can indeed do nothing apart from him then my entire mission in life is to eliminate being apart from him. Intimacy with Christ cannot be a mere sentiment or distant, lofty goal. It must become the fibers of each day I am given and I must be open to ruthlessly eliminating all that would make me believe the lie of self-sufficiency.
A challenge is that this can all seem so idealistic, so apparently non-attainable, so utterly dependent on someone outside of myself to make it happen. What could be less pragmatic? "Heh Santiago, what have you been up to lately? Oh, pursuing intimacy with Christ, increasing the radical aspects of my surrender and dependence on Christ. Nothing really special......" Zowsa!! And yet, yep, that is the conclusion I have reached based on the impossibility of doing anything of any kingdom value apart from him.
So how to proceed given that my outlook finds me peering into such a misty vista that reappears afresh each day. Coupled with my addiction to producing a sense of daily accomplishment serves only to make it all the more uncomfortable and disorienting. Now that I have achieved the elusive goal of retirement, many of the things that used to serve to make me feel useful and productive are gone. Much of my life has been chimerical. I now stand more exposed as a human being....the Wizard's curtain now removed. No more career and related activities to serve as a sort of stand-in for feeling good about myself. Now, my identity feels more bare naked, sometimes squirming under the noon-day sun with nowhere to hide.
It's normally a bad thing to be backed into a corner. But now, I'm not so sure that Jesus hasn't apprehended me, opened my eyes to the reality that is his for me. I'm sure resistance is futile....I only don't want to fight against it any longer. Apart from Jesus, I can do nothing so my life must focus on ruthlessly eliminating everything Jesus points out to me that is keeping us apart.
Lord, protect me from losing my focus on this truth. There is no next thing calling me that is more critical than the union point of my branch to your vine. Father, I believe I yearn to be part of the triune dance. Give me the drive and energy to stay on this trail that brings me closer to you. Purge me of all false lovers and every impostor offering easier, counterfeit versions of such an intimacy . Bring me the fellowship of like-minded pilgrims who are in sync with seeing things similarly. Have your way in my transformation Holy Spirit....you know what I am intended to be, you have the way of my transformation into your image fully in mind. It's to you I surrender my self-efforts and all artificial trappings designed only to impress and fool others.
Play ball!
Monday, December 2, 2019
Purpose heh? (Part one of two)
Post-retirement is one of the major categories that any demographer would use to describe the chapters of my story currently being written. I consider myself still quite young in navigating the philosophical byways of these waters. It's been just over 2 years with the first 18 months of that time consisting of the shock and awe of finally breaking the tape of arriving at the end of the endless employment contests. The more euphoric aspects initially present have faded. Hoping for a long road ahead, I find myself hunkering down and looking for the right mental/spiritual framework from which to proceed.
It is interesting to see all the many offers of advice when one does a search on 'finding purpose in retirement'. It's evident that it is of much interest and not hard to imagine that many must struggle with it in order to generate the volume of advice the internet offers. But what I am beginning to wonder is that perhaps the whole purposefulness thing need not really be all that profound or complicated. Let's explore:
Purposefulness seems like it crops up as a potentially troublesome category more after one retires....not so much before. And that my friends is what we in the business like to call a 'major clue'! For if finding purpose is not as troublesome before retirement as it is after retiring we know what to focus on. Mainly, what does retiring do in one's life to make 'purpose' a subject that so many are obviously searching on?
Well, dumbing it down to pure simplicity, all that has really changed in retirement is the cessation of "working for a living", of "career", of being a "working stiff". And that says a lot. If purpose was not such a big deal while we were working but now, after retirement, it becomes the subject of many people's Google searches, simple logic provides what to me seems somewhat amazing. While we were working our sense of purpose at least seemed to be more or less fulfilled from our working, from what we did for a living, what we did to support ourselves and our loved ones. While working, our life's purpose was not an itch looking to be scratched. But after we stop working suddenly we are all itchy? What's going on guys? (As my little grandson Gage would say.)
The honest truth is that our working seems to provide an easy, "low-hanging" kind of answer to our need for having purpose. But really....should it? Is not our life about much more than how we make our living? I submit that the easy answer to this is "Yes, but it is often enough to lull us into feeling purpose-filled". I honestly have no recollection of hearing others lamenting about their lives lacking purpose when they were actively pursuing their Monday-Friday employment. Maybe lamenting about the stress-filled treadmill of life but not their lack of a sense of purpose. What up? What are the dynamics at work here?
Can't help but believe that the whole package of working for a living gives one a false illusion of purposefulness. The very act of going to bed, getting up, getting ready, driving through traffic and weather to get to work, going through the twists and turns of 8-10 hours of whatever someone is paying us to do, gritting our teeth at the antics of management, maneuvering through the social aspects of our workmates, looking forward to the weekend, going home and driving through the traffic and weather to return to our castles only to rinse and repeat five days a week seems to provide what suffices for a sense of purpose. Wow! Should it? I say neh, neh but it seems to work for most of us....
And now for a daring feat of logic. It stands to reason that if our working provided a false sense of purpose, our apparent loss of purpose when we stop working might just be an illusion as well. Of course there is purpose in working but not so much that it deserves to be seen as the source of all purpose in our life. We work to provide and I am assuming that there is some means of provision after we stop working (or we wouldn't stop because we couldn't). Regardless, the question remains: why does finding one's purpose often crop up as an issue after retiring?
Here is what I think. The crazy busyness of life when working masks what really constitutes purpose. Being busy and "rowing the boat" (as PJ would say) seem to answer the question...but they really don't. Once we stop working we gain something that has been in short supply for so many years....time! Time and the need to decide on how best to fill this time. Not a category with which we have had much practice or experience.
So if all that has really changed after retiring is that it no longer takes 40 hours/week to make the nut, that our provision for life comes from another source which doesn't eat up much of the clock, we are finally free to see things for what they are.Scripture tells us believers that our purpose is to live "for the praise of his glory." To be image bearers of Christ, to embrace the cross, die to the selfish nature we have and surrender ourselves to the transforming work of Christ that we may better image bearers.
Our life's spiritual purpose has been meant for us from when we were first born, throughout each of our birthdays, throughout our working careers....it hasn't changed from day one! But with retirement, what does change is that the major distraction/mask of work/career ceases. We are left with an unobstructed opportunity to reassess our place on the map of life. For me, the focus of my priorities seems quite clear.....and daunting. Let's explore in part 2 of this effort.......
It is interesting to see all the many offers of advice when one does a search on 'finding purpose in retirement'. It's evident that it is of much interest and not hard to imagine that many must struggle with it in order to generate the volume of advice the internet offers. But what I am beginning to wonder is that perhaps the whole purposefulness thing need not really be all that profound or complicated. Let's explore:
Purposefulness seems like it crops up as a potentially troublesome category more after one retires....not so much before. And that my friends is what we in the business like to call a 'major clue'! For if finding purpose is not as troublesome before retirement as it is after retiring we know what to focus on. Mainly, what does retiring do in one's life to make 'purpose' a subject that so many are obviously searching on?
Well, dumbing it down to pure simplicity, all that has really changed in retirement is the cessation of "working for a living", of "career", of being a "working stiff". And that says a lot. If purpose was not such a big deal while we were working but now, after retirement, it becomes the subject of many people's Google searches, simple logic provides what to me seems somewhat amazing. While we were working our sense of purpose at least seemed to be more or less fulfilled from our working, from what we did for a living, what we did to support ourselves and our loved ones. While working, our life's purpose was not an itch looking to be scratched. But after we stop working suddenly we are all itchy? What's going on guys? (As my little grandson Gage would say.)
The honest truth is that our working seems to provide an easy, "low-hanging" kind of answer to our need for having purpose. But really....should it? Is not our life about much more than how we make our living? I submit that the easy answer to this is "Yes, but it is often enough to lull us into feeling purpose-filled". I honestly have no recollection of hearing others lamenting about their lives lacking purpose when they were actively pursuing their Monday-Friday employment. Maybe lamenting about the stress-filled treadmill of life but not their lack of a sense of purpose. What up? What are the dynamics at work here?
Can't help but believe that the whole package of working for a living gives one a false illusion of purposefulness. The very act of going to bed, getting up, getting ready, driving through traffic and weather to get to work, going through the twists and turns of 8-10 hours of whatever someone is paying us to do, gritting our teeth at the antics of management, maneuvering through the social aspects of our workmates, looking forward to the weekend, going home and driving through the traffic and weather to return to our castles only to rinse and repeat five days a week seems to provide what suffices for a sense of purpose. Wow! Should it? I say neh, neh but it seems to work for most of us....
And now for a daring feat of logic. It stands to reason that if our working provided a false sense of purpose, our apparent loss of purpose when we stop working might just be an illusion as well. Of course there is purpose in working but not so much that it deserves to be seen as the source of all purpose in our life. We work to provide and I am assuming that there is some means of provision after we stop working (or we wouldn't stop because we couldn't). Regardless, the question remains: why does finding one's purpose often crop up as an issue after retiring?
Here is what I think. The crazy busyness of life when working masks what really constitutes purpose. Being busy and "rowing the boat" (as PJ would say) seem to answer the question...but they really don't. Once we stop working we gain something that has been in short supply for so many years....time! Time and the need to decide on how best to fill this time. Not a category with which we have had much practice or experience.
So if all that has really changed after retiring is that it no longer takes 40 hours/week to make the nut, that our provision for life comes from another source which doesn't eat up much of the clock, we are finally free to see things for what they are.Scripture tells us believers that our purpose is to live "for the praise of his glory." To be image bearers of Christ, to embrace the cross, die to the selfish nature we have and surrender ourselves to the transforming work of Christ that we may better image bearers.
Our life's spiritual purpose has been meant for us from when we were first born, throughout each of our birthdays, throughout our working careers....it hasn't changed from day one! But with retirement, what does change is that the major distraction/mask of work/career ceases. We are left with an unobstructed opportunity to reassess our place on the map of life. For me, the focus of my priorities seems quite clear.....and daunting. Let's explore in part 2 of this effort.......
Sunday, November 17, 2019
And we're back.....
The sojourn is crescendoing in new ways for me...this season of life marked by retirement from the daily grind of earning a living is beginning to grow legs. It all no longer feels quite as strange, The intentionality with which I make an effort to live by feels right and some payoffs are spitting out of the one-armed bandit of life.
Accidentally came across my blog recently while searching for something else. Read a few of my posts and was struck by the value of laying down thought-tracks and their helpful perspective and orientation for my walk. Felt some call back to writing. Some thoughts on how writing can be one of the tools in my eternal purpose of ruling, reigning, having dominion over all Father brings me into. Writing as a form of naming, of bringing vague, ethereal thought-fragments into something more concrete, something that can be viewed, accepted or rejected by others, used as a sort of Reese's pieces trail to lend continuity to the earthly journey. Writing as a means to declare war on fuzziness. Not sure how original these thoughts are or am I just channeling Ann Vosskamp? Nonetheless, regardless of the source, it seems the right thing to pursue....
In my attempts to regain access to my own blog (no small thing for an increasingly forgetful boomer), I saw a draft section containing two drafts never posted, One contained some random thoughts for possible future exploration. First line said "always wanted a mentor". Wow, I now have a couple of newly-minted ones in the form of a spiritual director and a Camino mentor. Part of the crescendoing (possibly not an actual word but it should be) mentioned above. In my pursuit of increased intimacy with Christ I believe I may have some insight on something that is pertinent and potentially powerful for me. Let's explore:
In speaking with Steve, I heard myself describe some feelings of loneliness. This feels troublesome. How can loneliness exist in the midst of dynamic family/church/social life? I am also reminded of being on a picnic with my then girlfriend and another couple and experiencing an acute attack of loneliness, a not belonging, not seeing them as truly relevant to me or my desire for connectedness. A very horrible feeling.....Not something I want lurking around the perimeters of my life. I see it as ever-so-threatening to undo, to lead me astray, to be tempt me with false lovers. Really yucky stuff!
So here is today's attempt at naming what I perceive as some of the ingredients of loneliness in me. It revolves around being understood, being fully-grokked by another. Finding others who truly 'get me', in a perfect world who both understand and even appreciate my quirkiness. The insight I am tentatively holding on to follows....
Loneliness is real but for those who call themselves followers of Jesus it is a type of lie and agreement that our enemy can use as a crippling weapon against us. Loneliness presupposes that there is somebody or somebodies out there that will fill the aching void of being fully seen and understood. That is just not true...they are not there. Thinking such treasure is available sets me up for an expectation and longing for something the world cannot offer..My fallen nature and that of those around me produces a mostly thoroughly self-absorbed, self-focused community that can never fulfill my intense longings.
My desire to be known is even preposterous. As though I can reasonably expect to find someone else that gets me deeply when I don't/can't get myself all that clearly. Such a false expectation. Such a potential chronic trap designed to keep me whining and pining for something that is just not out there. Looking for love in all the wrong places was written by someone in some song.....
The antidote for all this loneliness talk is available/has been available all along. It's been hiding in plain sight! In my quest for greater intimacy with Christ I have somehow missed what could be said to be painfully obvious. My Jesus knows me, gets me, totally understands me in the deepest ways I could ever imagine or hope for:
"For thou didst form my inward parts, thous didst knit me together in my mother's womb. Thou knowest me right well; my frame was not hidden from thee." Ps 139
My desire for another human to understand me at some profound level is doomed to ever be satisfied. Yet, if I am willing and allow my self to be abandoned to the provisions supplied by my Lord, I have every right to be expectant and confident that I am known by one in the very ways I have yearned for.
It is an extension of the "....apart from me you can do nothing." of Jn 15:5. Apart from Jesus my search for another human(s) to thoroughly understand me is d.o.a. My focus has been so much on what I can only do in Christ, the fruit that only my abiding in him can produce. But this same abiding also brings me into intimacy with the one person in the universe who totally sees and understands how and why I do what I do. The one person who accepts me right where I am at the moment but who also offers healing, restoration, re-calibration....heck a complete re-wiring of all that is me.
But it is only available to the extent that I release my tight grip upon the controls of my life. As I surrender my rights, my agenda, my methods and flop carelessly into his arms with no back-up plans in place. My desire to be radically understood is tied to my radical surrender of all approaches to fulfillment other than Christ. Nothing more but nothing less.....(Radical is as radical does...?)
And so all of this seems at once both profound and self-evident. I have been so intent in seeking deeper abiding so Jesus is free and has access to do in me what only he can do. But he also brings fulfillment for my deepest desires and I must equally look to the Trinity to fill what no one else, no other thing can satisfy. Thank you Father for letting me see this...whether for the first time or the tenth time I do not know but thank you. Let my desparateness drive me to you and you alone, forsaking all others. Maranatha Lord Jesus!!
Santiago grateful and out....
Accidentally came across my blog recently while searching for something else. Read a few of my posts and was struck by the value of laying down thought-tracks and their helpful perspective and orientation for my walk. Felt some call back to writing. Some thoughts on how writing can be one of the tools in my eternal purpose of ruling, reigning, having dominion over all Father brings me into. Writing as a form of naming, of bringing vague, ethereal thought-fragments into something more concrete, something that can be viewed, accepted or rejected by others, used as a sort of Reese's pieces trail to lend continuity to the earthly journey. Writing as a means to declare war on fuzziness. Not sure how original these thoughts are or am I just channeling Ann Vosskamp? Nonetheless, regardless of the source, it seems the right thing to pursue....
In my attempts to regain access to my own blog (no small thing for an increasingly forgetful boomer), I saw a draft section containing two drafts never posted, One contained some random thoughts for possible future exploration. First line said "always wanted a mentor". Wow, I now have a couple of newly-minted ones in the form of a spiritual director and a Camino mentor. Part of the crescendoing (possibly not an actual word but it should be) mentioned above. In my pursuit of increased intimacy with Christ I believe I may have some insight on something that is pertinent and potentially powerful for me. Let's explore:
In speaking with Steve, I heard myself describe some feelings of loneliness. This feels troublesome. How can loneliness exist in the midst of dynamic family/church/social life? I am also reminded of being on a picnic with my then girlfriend and another couple and experiencing an acute attack of loneliness, a not belonging, not seeing them as truly relevant to me or my desire for connectedness. A very horrible feeling.....Not something I want lurking around the perimeters of my life. I see it as ever-so-threatening to undo, to lead me astray, to be tempt me with false lovers. Really yucky stuff!
So here is today's attempt at naming what I perceive as some of the ingredients of loneliness in me. It revolves around being understood, being fully-grokked by another. Finding others who truly 'get me', in a perfect world who both understand and even appreciate my quirkiness. The insight I am tentatively holding on to follows....
Loneliness is real but for those who call themselves followers of Jesus it is a type of lie and agreement that our enemy can use as a crippling weapon against us. Loneliness presupposes that there is somebody or somebodies out there that will fill the aching void of being fully seen and understood. That is just not true...they are not there. Thinking such treasure is available sets me up for an expectation and longing for something the world cannot offer..My fallen nature and that of those around me produces a mostly thoroughly self-absorbed, self-focused community that can never fulfill my intense longings.
My desire to be known is even preposterous. As though I can reasonably expect to find someone else that gets me deeply when I don't/can't get myself all that clearly. Such a false expectation. Such a potential chronic trap designed to keep me whining and pining for something that is just not out there. Looking for love in all the wrong places was written by someone in some song.....
The antidote for all this loneliness talk is available/has been available all along. It's been hiding in plain sight! In my quest for greater intimacy with Christ I have somehow missed what could be said to be painfully obvious. My Jesus knows me, gets me, totally understands me in the deepest ways I could ever imagine or hope for:
"For thou didst form my inward parts, thous didst knit me together in my mother's womb. Thou knowest me right well; my frame was not hidden from thee." Ps 139
My desire for another human to understand me at some profound level is doomed to ever be satisfied. Yet, if I am willing and allow my self to be abandoned to the provisions supplied by my Lord, I have every right to be expectant and confident that I am known by one in the very ways I have yearned for.
It is an extension of the "....apart from me you can do nothing." of Jn 15:5. Apart from Jesus my search for another human(s) to thoroughly understand me is d.o.a. My focus has been so much on what I can only do in Christ, the fruit that only my abiding in him can produce. But this same abiding also brings me into intimacy with the one person in the universe who totally sees and understands how and why I do what I do. The one person who accepts me right where I am at the moment but who also offers healing, restoration, re-calibration....heck a complete re-wiring of all that is me.
But it is only available to the extent that I release my tight grip upon the controls of my life. As I surrender my rights, my agenda, my methods and flop carelessly into his arms with no back-up plans in place. My desire to be radically understood is tied to my radical surrender of all approaches to fulfillment other than Christ. Nothing more but nothing less.....(Radical is as radical does...?)
And so all of this seems at once both profound and self-evident. I have been so intent in seeking deeper abiding so Jesus is free and has access to do in me what only he can do. But he also brings fulfillment for my deepest desires and I must equally look to the Trinity to fill what no one else, no other thing can satisfy. Thank you Father for letting me see this...whether for the first time or the tenth time I do not know but thank you. Let my desparateness drive me to you and you alone, forsaking all others. Maranatha Lord Jesus!!
Santiago grateful and out....
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