CSI Christmas

So Christmas 2010 has come and gone. As I return to the normal activities everyone has the same question..."How was your Christmas"? A fair question but let’s face it, no one is really looking for much of an in-depth answer. It’s a polite, socially appropriate question for this time of the year. I write today to process this holiday. I mean the holiday, with a small h, not the meaning of Christmas, not about the birth of our Savior. Obviously there is some of that in most of our Christmas holidays, a church service perhaps, some reading, some pondering and meditation. But the real crux of the real answer to “How was your Christmas?” lies more in the interactions with family and relatives, the gift buying and giving, food planning and preparation, getting to all of the obligatory parties/get-togethers, and trying to capture/experience that elusive, warm, inner glow known as the “Christmas spirit”.

I have mentioned before in this blog that the best Christmases seem more likely to happen to those who enjoy intact, functional families, with lives not beset by problems, with adequate funds, good health....you get the picture. But let’s face it, most people are lacking in one or many of these areas. For every item missing from this formula for a merry holiday, the likelihood for some level of disappointment, the likelihood of a gap between expectation and reality, increases exponentially.

My intent for writing this is not to be a gloom monster. I am not on a negative tirade, not lambasting the holiday. My desire is simply to do a bit of a post-mortem, to examine where things can come apart and to at least consider any helpful adjustments that might help avoid common pitfalls in ‘doing the holiday’.

Went to church the day after Christmas and I was amazed that the theme of everyone I happened to talk to was one of exhaustion, both emotional and physical. Such a shame. Jesus never intended his birthday to produce such experiences in people...of that I am sure. Where does this exhaustion come from? I am convinced that there are way too many conflicting constituents all demanding to be satisfied in the average person’s holiday experience. I know, constituent is kind of a political word. Constituents are individuals, voters in the way I am using the term, that must be served and every politician has the challenge of managing and pleasing many constituents with their conflicting demands and priorities. Good politicians manage to make each group feel served and acknowledged and so must we with our holiday constituents.

And just what are the constituents of our holiday experience? Well there are many. It starts with ourselves and our personal expectations for how we would like to see things go. The more thought we give to our desires, the more defined is our ultimate score sheet from which we will come up with the result that will be at the heart of an honest answer to “How was your Christmas”. Then there are any surviving grandparents, parents, possibly children, aunts/uncles, in-laws all with their own hopes and aspirations for how they would like to see the holiday play out. A different type of constituent can be the “how it used to be” and the yearning to somehow return to the experience of holidays of yesteryear. On the insidious side of things there is the constituent of the media and the seeds of expectation they manage to plant in us, most often despite our unwillingness to succumb, via their relentless programming and bombardment of every sense we possess.

Yikes, you put all these constituents in a blender, hit frappe, and you will likely pour out a grey liquid that only the weirdest palate will find delectable. What is one to do? If these are some of the causes of holiday misfires what might be possible solutions? I suppose this is where I feel bad for I have inferred I may have some answers. In reality, I feel like I might be onto some possible causes of holiday blues but alas, the solutions to improve seem mostly outside my grasp.

My answers all seem to involve simplification and the management of expectations. For if we could keep things simple, uncluttered, stay away from trying to shove 10lbs of holiday stuff into a 5lb bag, we might find some answers. But to simplify requires different expectations and the willingness to stop doing what we have always done on Christmas just because we have. What starts as a simple tradition can pick up a number of additions and permutations over time. And, once established, the new twists become part of the new and improved traditional constituents, demanding to be served in subsequent years.

Simplifying, when it comes to a holiday such as Christmas, requires getting radical....not something that most families have much of a capacity for. Can the meals be less complicated, needing fewer dishes and more easily served? Can formalities of all sorts be allowed to morph into more relaxed informality? Do we really have to touch every base on the 24th and 25th, frantically rushing around the freeways and praying for no accidents so as to make our tight deadlines? Can we opt out of anything? Is making it less about gifts and more simple just too much of a sacred cow to change? I don’t know but I would love to learn some answers.

It’s December 28th and I am still feeling wore out from the granddaddy of all holidays. Perhaps it is just that I am much to be pitied...? Perhaps... but this I know, just writing this down has brought me some relief. And Jesus, for all that we have done to massacre your birthday I am so sorry. I am not innocent. Please forgive me and bring your revelation on how things can change. Because the next Christmas is only 363 days away and I would like to look forward to it. Please father me in this Lord.