As my mind continues along a spectrum from sharp to duller, thought I would seed some words of explanation as it relates to the process of becoming Santiago. This way, 5 years from now, when I have completely forgotten how I got to wherever I end up, I can come back to this Reese's Pieces trail and recreate the journey.
As a kid I was Jimmy to my parents, relatives and others. I remember a little red felt hat that came from the Mn State Fair that had 'Jimmy' stitched on the front. There you go, proof positive that Jimmy was the kid that I was because hats just don't lie! As the years went on, I morphed into simply Jim, short and sweet and without the cutesy little boy ring. I was Jim for a very long time. Although my given name is James (after my father's middle name) I never liked being referred to by it. It just seemed too formal, too stiff, too stuffy, too dressed up for me.
Fast forward many years to my first Wild at Heart bootcamp. It was 2003 and I was about to go through a weekend in the mountains of Colorado that would forever change me. A retreat with 300+ other men that came with expectant hearts...hearts which yearned to gain deeper access and understanding of our role as men in the kingdom of God. As the weighty weekend progressed, we came to a session called The New Name. We were referred to Rev 2:17 ".....To him who conquers I will give some of the hidden manna, and I will give him a white stone, with a new name written on the stone which no one knows except him who receives it." Before being dismissed for a time alone with God, we were instructed to ask God what his name was for us.
I confess that I knew little beforehand about what this weekend was going to cover or any of it's agenda....except for one thing. I had somehow heard about the "new name" deal. As I anticipated the weekend, it became a major point of anxiety for me. What if I didn't hear anything from Father? I pictured everyone reconvening, all excited about what they had heard. What if I had heard/received nothing? As the weekend progressed, we were spending frequent times alone with God as we pondered the questions we were assigned in between sessions. Once dismissed, we each kind of disappeared into the mountainous terrain for solitude. We generally had about 35 or 40 minutes and it was important not to be late when time to return.. I found my own special place to go at Frontier Ranch. It required me to hustle because it took 5 or 6 minutes one way. But when I got there, with the mountain at my back, under a rock outcropping and overlooking a spectacular valley, I knew I had found a special place....a thin place brimming with silence and solitude!
After asking Jesus what he knew me as, what he called me, my answer was not long in coming. I heard from him very clearly although not without some confusion. "James, friend of Christ, warrior, restorer in the army of heaven". James? Really? Even though it was never used, that was just my given name. Restorer? What is that supposed to mean? Friend of Christ....really....really Lord? Warrior?....wow! Regardless of my questions, I knew in my 'know-er' that I had accurately heard from Abba and I held tightly to what he had said and the precious white stone it was to me.
As this is merely a blog and not an epic novel, suffice it to say that the next 10 to 15 years brought me an ever-increasing understanding of my name James and how Jesus viewed me through it. My identity in Christ continues being developed, transformed and increasingly grasped by me as the years of my life tick by. Three years after that bootcamp, I received an invitation to be part of a small intercessor team that was a behind-the-scenes part of each Colorado weekend. It was April, 2006 and one of our six-member team, Jesse, had just returned from walking the Camino de Santiago across northern Spain.
As we initially gathered for our first session together, we exchanged names and told a bit about ourselves. After what I shared, Jesse responded to me with these words: "James huh....I shall call you Santiago." And he did, throughout the weekend and I loved it. In Spanish it literally means: Saint James, who of course was one of the twelve apostles of Christ. Despite this lofty literal definition, it seemed somehow right even though I had no particular reason as to why it did. Jesse, my younger brother by 40 years, had bestowed the name of Santiago on me for a weekend. The glorious weekend ended and with it this new name, at least as it related to me, went dormant for a bit.
A couple of years went by and the name Santiago drifted in and out of my consciousness. Meanwhile, I found myself among some friends who regularly shared each other's "blog" postings. Not knowing what a blog was, I did some investigation and began to read what they were writing. I was inspired to give it a whirl and in Feb., 2008 this very blog I am typing in today was born...500' Flyby.
It was interesting to look back and see that I often started referring to myself as Santiago at the close of many of my blog postings. As a matter of fact, it was only a few weeks from my initial post that the name Santiago made it's appearance. Obviously the echo of that profound weekend five years earlier and the name Santiago which accompanied it had not disappeared from my mind. Twelve years have gone by since those early posts. Today, many people in several circles exclusively refer to me as Santiago. Most times, it's how I introduce myself. But you might ask, "So what?"
Well for me it's a bigger deal than would initially appear to the casual observer. Why? Because as the years of my life have piled up, my focus has grown very intentional on a more intimate, authentic union with Christ. It has definitely come to define an increasingly significant part of my life. I am aware that the man I am today is an active work in kingdom progress and I can clearly see the marks of the divine potter upon the clay of who I am ever- becoming. Santiago is a new name for me. I believe it is neither capricious nor accidental.
And so, as my old friend Walter Cronkite (whom I so desperately miss in these dystopian times) used to say, "And that's the way it is....." Santiago for me is no gimmick. Nor is it merely a re-branding of the old me. Although I have far to go, I am indeed saint James by dint of the finished work of Jesus Christ upon the cross, his resurrection from the dead and his ascension back to the right hand of the Father. The name Santiago provides me a constant reminder of who I am and how I am known in the kingdom as opposed to the world's labels and opinions of me. It grounds me in the invisible truth of who I am in Christ. It refocuses my temptation to be anxious, self-critical, judgemental, angry and foul-mouthed onto Paul's exhortation: to seek the things that are above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. And it rekindles my ultimate hope that when Christ who is my life appears then I also will appear with him in glory!
"And that's the way it is ...."
Good Santiago....as they say in baseball..."ya got a piece of it". That's good for now...
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