Thank you so very much

I'm in that in-between space on this Thanksgiving holiday....10 of the family headed to our house in about 90 minutes. Did my assigned tasks, took a little nap, have slipped away to my inner sanctum and now sit at what feels like my abandoned blog. I've chattered on before about all that seems to keep me from attempting to lay down any fresh stuff. On one hand, it just feels somehow superfluous. On the other, not aware of having any fresh stuff anyhow. Regardless.... right now I intend to ignore such motivation-stealing thoughts and to simply offer my thanks out into the blogosphere, but mainly to Jesus.

Our family is like many right now...we have our own financial constraints that wax and wane with the ever present tendency to turn overwhelmingly negative. But amidst this all I am thankful that the loving Abba Father is there every time I turn to him with an armful of desparation. In recent weeks, I have observed him make something good out of what appears to be a lost, deader-than-a-door-nail deal gone bad. And from that work of restoration came income like proverbial manna from heaven. Of course I am thankful for this but even more thankful for just knowing He is there, He is in this, He cares, He has a way through the maze.

Cynicism is so pervasive and I find it to be contagious. I pick up a dose of it all too often and it tinges everything within my view. Doesn't just naturally go away either....has to be discovered and then forcefully shown the door. As an oh-so-mature, believing adult, it's not unusual for me to notice that I hunger for something beyond what often feel like simple platitudes that initially sound too trite and not sufficiently potent for my circumstances. You know, trust in the Lord with all your heart, cast all your anxieties upon Him, do not worry about your life. Sometimes they feel about as powerful as grape kool-aid when I'm searching for whiskey. But that's what brings me back to being thankful....I'm thankful for a God who shows infinite patience toward me, who doesn't just harumpph away when I seek for non-existent alternatives to his love and grace. For a Father who waits for me to once again re-discover that he is the only game in town.

I mean it is just so ridiculous....if I am not intentional about casting my life afresh into his arms in the opening seconds of each new morning, I find that over the night I have somehow become what amounts to a practical atheist, sure that I'm alone in all of this. Have to reappropriate my belief and my agreement each and every day. But then thank you Lord, there you are to receive my new affirmations and commitment to following you....Forgive my short memory!

I'm thankful that my oldest daughter has re-discovered you as not only relevant to her life but absolutely necessary. I am thankful that both of my daughters have independently decided that the man who had looked to be the 'one' turns out not necessarily to be that guy after all. Thank you that they discovered this on this side of marriage and not after it was too late. Thank you that my seriously flawed fatherhood is not an obstacle to you!

I'm certainly told that God is big enough for me to be brutally real.....I choose to believe that. So then, I'm thankful that I can admit that being thankful for stuff, although often authentic and natural and just burbling up can also many times feel merely obligatory....like gol' you should be thankful it's not worse or think of those with much less than you. Thankful for not having to pretend that I've arrived someplace that I haven't.

Well, my reading over this post provides proof enough of why there hasn't been more recently. Aware of a kind of rambling funk....ambivalent about thrashing with it in the public forum of blogland....have enough love for others to not want to infect them yet am sincerely wanting to shake off whatever is plaguing me. So here I am, in this case erring on the side of coming out into the hot, bright sun of the holiday season hungry for more joy, more carefreeness,less angst, more contentment...desiring to bring the aroma of Christ but only mustering the stench of a self-stuffed man. Your forebearance please......
Caveat emptor....