Awakened at 1:18AM this morning....do the usual checking....Who is behind this?...friend or foe? Oh, it's you Lord. What is this about? Go through family members one at a time, no, check in with my heart, no, not about me. Ah, it's RH..... And I proceed to intercede for this ministry, different aspects of it, situations that I am aware of and that come to mind. Overall, it feels like an incredibly large, blob-type of darkness that is attempting to ooze it's way in and I find myself turning my back to it all in prayer to resist it, lean into it and generally prevent "it"entrance. This goes on until about 2:30 AM. Were my efforts victorious? Sure didn't feel that way....felt more like putting a finger in the dike in an effort to hold back the entire sea. But regardless, it's one more experience of this ministry of intercession that it seems I've been called to.
So strange for me to say this....called to intercession. I mean for me, in my walk with God over these 30 some years, I must confess I mostly thought of intercessors as the proverbial little old lady shut-in who could do nothing else so she prayed. Mea culpa, mea culpa!
I guess I started to get involved in prayer as part of the altar prayer team over at NH about 10 or so years ago. Why? I think it goes something like this....In a perfect world, if I could just snap my fingers and be anything I wanted to be, I would want to be an ER Dr. at a large trauma center. (I used to say a professional hockey player but evidently my dwindling testosterone levels have kicked that little vision to the curb.)
There's just something about triage type work that makes me come alive! I love the clutch play at home plate, live for it, even dream about it. (And as an old catcher, I so enjoyed having those experiences.) Chronic stuff leaves me limp, sucks the life right out of me..... No, give me the adrenaline pounding job of the STAT types of decisions, the immediate need for action now. Having taken the Strengthfinder, I see that as a classic example of one of my top 3....ACTIVATOR.
Anyhow, when it came time for me to step out into more ministry, when enough of my gaping wounds were healed sufficiently that I felt like perhaps I could move out again, I was attracted to those who prayed for others after the service. Here was a church version of the ER, and you didn't have to go to a cajillion years of school before qualifying. No, just the opposite. My position as one redeemed by the death of Jesus on my behalf gave me the most important certificate in the Kingdom of God...I was blood bought and no longer called myself lord of my life but had given myself into the hands of He who had loved me and pursued me from the beginning. That and a few weeks of training and I was an altar minister. Voila!
Since then, the plot has thickened as they say. Further opportunities outside church have come into play. I have been invited in as a part of a team of 14 who cover a national ministry including on site intercession out in Colorado for events drawing 400 men at a time. And there has been local events and on site opportunities with a similar ministry dedicated to freeing and enlivening the hearts of men for the advancement of the Kingdom. And even at church, now WH, there has been opportunity to branch out from the altar praying into leading intercessory teams for each aspect of the service itself as well as becoming part of the prayer leadership team. And up ahead, there is no end in sight with additional possibilities starting to make themselves known.
I list all this just to self reflect on how all this has expanded for me....again, it seems so unlikely that someone such as me would end up as an intercessor! I guess you would just have to know me like I do to understand the confounding swirl that reflecting on this puts me into.
But let me just say I am thankful, so thankful. Thankful that after giving my life to Christ in 1975, (May 19, dock, Lake Harriet, 2:30AM), after starting so strong at CC, getting married, having two most beautiful, darling, good-hearted daughters and then crashing in 1988, seeing it all obliterated on the shores of separation (1990) and ultimately divorce (1992), and then the long, dry sojourn through 7 or 8 years of personal desert....(attention, attention, this is your personal editor....please bring this sentence to a close as it is getting too long, thank you.).
That little piece of comic relief was needed....reflecting on the pain involved in the above has never ceased to be bad and I'm wondering now if that is just how it will always be?
But then, around 2000, being introduced to Sandi (Jesus, thank you with all my might for bringing her into my life. I do not deserve her and I realize that our union is a living, breathing example of your grace in action.) Getting involved with WH, going out to Bootcamp, launching into a blended family, having my heart come back alive again! And then desiring to take my place on the line and joining in with the worldwide effort to advance the Kingdom of God on earth as it is in heaven. And God responds, gives me ministry tasks, gives me some positions to gain, maintain and advance. Love so amazing , so divine! Praise to you my Lord of Hosts!
Man, I'm at this moment lost in the revelry of the joy that has been put in my heart. That coupled with the lack of sleep seems to be bringing this post to an end. I am reminded that my last blog dealt with pessimism vs optimism, and then I spoke about running....you gotta love the juxtaposition of it all. This 500' Flyby is starting to take a form that I like. No particular linear organization to subject matter, permission to ramble, jump easily between the sacred and the secular (it all is starting to feel sacred to me).
As Paul said, "Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ"
And so, with all synapses trashed albeit with a thin veneer of caffeine, I drift into something called Thursday.
Advance Santiago.....
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
"That's a negative Blueleader" (Pt.2)
OK, good to be back. I'll return to the thoughts about pessimism that were left to marinate in just a minute but first...... Feeling compelled to also continue my inner dialogue re: blogging, my motivations, my hesitations etc. So yes, 500' Flyby will go public or there just seems little sense in blogging vs. personally journaling. The journal is the private venue...blogging is for putting stuff out there and maybe finding like-minded folks, to be known for who I am, to risk showing up at the nudist camp in all my ordinary glory....
However, now that I've been reading various blogs I am concerned with the whole sub-community thing that can go on. On one hand it's cool but on the other the back and forth comments, my anticipated internal pressure to acknowledge comments is not something I am excited about...seems like a sinkhole of time and effort and yet another "thing" requiring maintenance. And there is the addictive quality that seems to swirl around the blog universe and fighting a new addiction is another item would rather avoid. So, not sure about how to handle that...wonder if there is such a thing as to just blog away and if there are any comments to just leave them sit there with only silence in return? Etiquette check in aisle 3 please!
Having given myself to more noodling time to this whole subject of being more optimistic, of daring to believe and to attempting to see more things as half-full has not felt particularly productive. I do seem to have a built-in abhorrence to naivete, to being perceived as a rube who blissfully struts around in the midst of his narrow-minded ignorance. Distinctly desire to avoid that whole syndrome seen on that phase of American Idol where truly deluded contestants, who actually believe they have talent, sing for the judges who then trip over themselves grasping for words to express just how horrible each performed (well, at least Simon does). Somehow this seems to fuel my propensity to see the half-emptiness of life. Perhaps reading this type of admission/insight someday will lead me to further conclusions but for now it seems relevant (although not admirable).
Came across a quote by an old Italian thinker who said "....pessimism of the intellect, optimism of the will".....the one a spur to action the other the resilience to believe that such action will have a meaningful outcome , despite adversity. Yeah, that feels right for me. It feels better to not have it be an either or type of deal....either a pessimist or an optimist but doses of both in differing amounts in light of the circumstances at hand. Is this a cop out? Just another example of relativism? I'm sure it is from some perspectives but, for now, it is my choice to go this way, the more complex, nuanced way of grey instead of the artificiality of pushing it into either black or white.
So, for me, the glass is neither half-full nor half-empty. It appears to have varying degrees of fullness depending on where I stand and from which perspective I happen to view it. So yes, I have been too mono, too much from the half-empty school of naysayers. But for me the alteration I seek is not to be found in trying to leap to the opposite side, to positivism. Instead, I feel right about going more stereophonic by adding, seeking, illuminating the positive, the half-full aspects of each scenario with which confronted and combining those views with the up-to-now chronically available negativity. Now that is something that feels achievable, honest, stretching and worthy of effort.
If nothing else, this blogging can serve to temporarily fix discussions in time. Better to try on certain thinking's like a new pair of pants in the dressing room. One day, when I return to check out how they look in the mirror, if they make me look fat then out they will go for something more fitting. Ah, isn't life just grand!?
Luego, Santiago (Note to self: this post just didn't bring that certain sumpin'- sumpin' of satisfaction that comes with dead-on expression.....keep at it Skipper)
However, now that I've been reading various blogs I am concerned with the whole sub-community thing that can go on. On one hand it's cool but on the other the back and forth comments, my anticipated internal pressure to acknowledge comments is not something I am excited about...seems like a sinkhole of time and effort and yet another "thing" requiring maintenance. And there is the addictive quality that seems to swirl around the blog universe and fighting a new addiction is another item would rather avoid. So, not sure about how to handle that...wonder if there is such a thing as to just blog away and if there are any comments to just leave them sit there with only silence in return? Etiquette check in aisle 3 please!
Having given myself to more noodling time to this whole subject of being more optimistic, of daring to believe and to attempting to see more things as half-full has not felt particularly productive. I do seem to have a built-in abhorrence to naivete, to being perceived as a rube who blissfully struts around in the midst of his narrow-minded ignorance. Distinctly desire to avoid that whole syndrome seen on that phase of American Idol where truly deluded contestants, who actually believe they have talent, sing for the judges who then trip over themselves grasping for words to express just how horrible each performed (well, at least Simon does). Somehow this seems to fuel my propensity to see the half-emptiness of life. Perhaps reading this type of admission/insight someday will lead me to further conclusions but for now it seems relevant (although not admirable).
Came across a quote by an old Italian thinker who said "....pessimism of the intellect, optimism of the will".....the one a spur to action the other the resilience to believe that such action will have a meaningful outcome , despite adversity. Yeah, that feels right for me. It feels better to not have it be an either or type of deal....either a pessimist or an optimist but doses of both in differing amounts in light of the circumstances at hand. Is this a cop out? Just another example of relativism? I'm sure it is from some perspectives but, for now, it is my choice to go this way, the more complex, nuanced way of grey instead of the artificiality of pushing it into either black or white.
So, for me, the glass is neither half-full nor half-empty. It appears to have varying degrees of fullness depending on where I stand and from which perspective I happen to view it. So yes, I have been too mono, too much from the half-empty school of naysayers. But for me the alteration I seek is not to be found in trying to leap to the opposite side, to positivism. Instead, I feel right about going more stereophonic by adding, seeking, illuminating the positive, the half-full aspects of each scenario with which confronted and combining those views with the up-to-now chronically available negativity. Now that is something that feels achievable, honest, stretching and worthy of effort.
If nothing else, this blogging can serve to temporarily fix discussions in time. Better to try on certain thinking's like a new pair of pants in the dressing room. One day, when I return to check out how they look in the mirror, if they make me look fat then out they will go for something more fitting. Ah, isn't life just grand!?
Luego, Santiago (Note to self: this post just didn't bring that certain sumpin'- sumpin' of satisfaction that comes with dead-on expression.....keep at it Skipper)
Friday, February 22, 2008
"That's a negative, Blueleader" (Pt.1)
Wow, sitting down to another attempt at this Blog thing and surprised at the inner conflict that continues regarding the very essence of blogging. Several have asked for my blog address and I have been unwilling to give it, instead desiring anonymity. So what's with that? I thought you wanted to be Mr Transparent? To beam some of your thoughts out into the cosmos and see what happens? Just journal this stuff idiot! Bloggin's for chumps! OK, OK settle down ya'll. Yeah, I do want to speak to the public, but not so eager to do so with that part of the public who already know me. I seem to be more comfortable with being transparent to the "bartender" who doesn't really know me but is a good listener and safe in that you don't have to worry much about being challenged or criticized. For those who already know me, it feels like giving them entrance to my underwear drawer.
So there you go, just sharing this pathetic little take on how I talk a big transparent game but deliver just a veiled, cloaked access to those I know is pretty telling in itself. Hey, it's almost a transparent confession!.... calling myself out onto the carpet and drawing a line in the sand and shouting a last call to board the authentic self bus before it pulls away from the station.
Anyway, this isn't what I came here to write about today. Wanted to wade through some different waters....the whole area of negativism vs positivism in my life. I've always admired positive people.....have wanted to be like them. But for me, to do so, comes off as just an inauthentic act. No sooner than I say yes, I believe that this will all work out well, or that this or that will surely come to pass than my internal alarms start beeping and I find myself merely a poser. What in the world is that all about? (At this point, it would be nice to have a shrink on hand to help me think about this, to be honest about the real roots that feed it....not sure that just a brave desire and a bootstrap approach is going to be sufficient).
Well regardless of the above negative caveat (at least you're consistent Santiago) I have a thought as to why this seems to be my mode of operation. Let's just throw it out and see if it seems to hold up in the light of day......
It seems that I really hate, maybe even fear?, to be disappointed. So, my pragmatic approach, which really just so often seems a mere euphemism for negative, glass-half-full thinking, is my way of inoculating myself against disappointment. There it is, my take on a coping mechanism that I have honed to a fine edge over these 60 years of bumbling through life. Emotional cushioning..... OK, let's see how this chunk of self-analysis looks to me as it lies quivering under the hot lights of the microscope......
First of all, I wonder if this is really it, if this is really the cause of my negativity or just a related symptom, just a referred type of deal that is actually coming from somewhere else? I'll keep this in mind but for now all I can do is ask the question and let it simmer in the background of my brain....
So what's the problem with this strategy Santiago? It has kind of worked for you for these many years, why not just flow with it? Aha, that good question elicits some emotion in me....BECAUSE I AM NOT SATISFIED WITH THIS STRATEGY! IT SEEMS TOO MUCH LIKE A DEFAULT, LESS-THAN-THE-BEST, UN-REDEEMED, UN-BELIEVING APPROACH TO LIFE!
OK, OK settle down and no one needs to get hurt here. So much for the 'all caps' emotional venting of anger and even threads of self-loathing that a quick mouth swish of this brew brings out.
That's enough for this post....subject is thrown out there and time to walk away and let it marinate in the ol' fridge for awhile before coming back to take it from here.
Hasta luego Cisco...
So there you go, just sharing this pathetic little take on how I talk a big transparent game but deliver just a veiled, cloaked access to those I know is pretty telling in itself. Hey, it's almost a transparent confession!.... calling myself out onto the carpet and drawing a line in the sand and shouting a last call to board the authentic self bus before it pulls away from the station.
Anyway, this isn't what I came here to write about today. Wanted to wade through some different waters....the whole area of negativism vs positivism in my life. I've always admired positive people.....have wanted to be like them. But for me, to do so, comes off as just an inauthentic act. No sooner than I say yes, I believe that this will all work out well, or that this or that will surely come to pass than my internal alarms start beeping and I find myself merely a poser. What in the world is that all about? (At this point, it would be nice to have a shrink on hand to help me think about this, to be honest about the real roots that feed it....not sure that just a brave desire and a bootstrap approach is going to be sufficient).
Well regardless of the above negative caveat (at least you're consistent Santiago) I have a thought as to why this seems to be my mode of operation. Let's just throw it out and see if it seems to hold up in the light of day......
It seems that I really hate, maybe even fear?, to be disappointed. So, my pragmatic approach, which really just so often seems a mere euphemism for negative, glass-half-full thinking, is my way of inoculating myself against disappointment. There it is, my take on a coping mechanism that I have honed to a fine edge over these 60 years of bumbling through life. Emotional cushioning..... OK, let's see how this chunk of self-analysis looks to me as it lies quivering under the hot lights of the microscope......
First of all, I wonder if this is really it, if this is really the cause of my negativity or just a related symptom, just a referred type of deal that is actually coming from somewhere else? I'll keep this in mind but for now all I can do is ask the question and let it simmer in the background of my brain....
So what's the problem with this strategy Santiago? It has kind of worked for you for these many years, why not just flow with it? Aha, that good question elicits some emotion in me....BECAUSE I AM NOT SATISFIED WITH THIS STRATEGY! IT SEEMS TOO MUCH LIKE A DEFAULT, LESS-THAN-THE-BEST, UN-REDEEMED, UN-BELIEVING APPROACH TO LIFE!
OK, OK settle down and no one needs to get hurt here. So much for the 'all caps' emotional venting of anger and even threads of self-loathing that a quick mouth swish of this brew brings out.
That's enough for this post....subject is thrown out there and time to walk away and let it marinate in the ol' fridge for awhile before coming back to take it from here.
Hasta luego Cisco...
Saturday, February 9, 2008
Long run
For years, Saturday mornings have become the day of the week when it's time for my "long run". I figure that running has been around for me since the late 70's. For many years it was running around the lakes in Mpls., with Lake Harriet being my favorite. For years I was a slave to the watch, always trying to improve my time, which in those days was between a 7:00 -7:30 minute/mile pace. It wasn't until the early 80's that I ran my first 10k race...actually an Aquatennial run that was more like a 7k...I managed a 7:00 pace and almost died after I ran the 1st mile with a neophyte's foolishness in 6:00 minutes. First marathon was Grandma's in June of 1993 (3:59). Twin Cities came right on it's heels in October of 1993 (4:08) New York in 2000 on a dare from Raymo (4:45) and again the Twin Cities in 2001 (4:20) Certainly never threatened to qualify for the Olympics!
So anyways, the long run....sometimes it has disappeared from my routine for months, sometimes it only means 4,5 or 6 miles but now I have gone and done it again...I registered for Grandma's marathon to be run on 6/21/08. Why oh why did you do it Mr? I have had this conversation between my head and heart many times.....it goes something like this:
"How about taking on the challenge of running another marathon?"(heart)
"Yeah, it's tempting...would give us a goal and ultimately another accomplishment BUT you must recall that the increase in training demands so often lead to injury and then you can't even run for aerobic exercise" (head)
This kind of back and forth goes on virtually every year as I read about upcoming marathons, hear of people registering. It's been 6+ years since I ran my last marathon, the Twin Cities in 2001 which I dedicated to my ailing father who ultimately died the following month. Actually, the memory of that grueling affair should have been enough to convince me of not succumbing to the allure of trying it all again at what will be my 61st year of life. I just can't erase the agony produced by once again falling for the 'going out too fast' trap, running with the 345 guys, not understanding that that was their pace, 3:45, and keeping with them for the 1st 10 miles before the grim reaper showed up to collect his dues. Remember praying that Sandi would be at the 13 mile mark like she had hoped to be if she could break away from the hospital where her Dad appeared to be in his last days. And then seeing her, breaking into tears, "I can't do this" "I'm broken, empty, only half way" but not having any other choice because I was wearing a t-shirt that said "This marathon dedicated to my Dad: Art XXXXX". Can't d.n.f. with that kind of commitment on your back....finally getting to Summit Ave, limping along, arm in my windbreaker as a sling, grinding it out, no pleasure, no sense of any particular victory but to get it over with. Yeah, how do like these details Mr.? Gonna do it again eh sucker?
OK, OK, so it maybe wasn't a good idea to run that old film clip. Let's segue from that to the present with only a sore left knee so far, and still taken up with the concept of running another one. It's not racking up the 5th one that draws me this time around....nothing particularly magical about the number 5....4 has served me well. So what in the "sam hill" (by the way, who is sam hill and why do we use his name?) caused me to get online and register and even spend $80 bucks for this dubious privilege?
As usual, understanding my motivations is a foggy enterprise at best. As I look through my personal crystal ball, I see lots of swirling stuff and therein lies my first clue....
Stage of life stuff going on. In my early 60's, kind of almost disoriented about what that even sounds like or feels like. Inside I'm still feeling the same as 30 years ago but AARP keeps knocking on my freak'in door with all kinds of sunset offerings. Sheesh, what's a fella to do?
In-laws needing help, amputation, ramps, elevated toilet seats and shower chairs and grab rails and transfers. And my Mom, bless her 91-year-old- heart, bears deliberate monitoring. Even though she continues to be very independent for her age, still driving, volunteering, pumping her own gas....(well done Mom), still must be intentional with keeping her little 4'10" blip clearly tracked on the radar screen of life.
And work, losing heart about carrying on at H&A. Ten years, longest I've ever worked anywhere with modest returns and limited ability to compete in the accumulation of toys contests that seem all the rage. Not feeling like I have a grip on my 'end game'.
And then there's the ongoing launch, from what is now a distance, of the kids...all in 20's (Inga, sorry you're no longer a kid), all kind of scrapping and clawing through the muddle best they know how
I've heard it call the "sandwich" time of life....caught between the ongoing concerns of your own children and your parents.
Well, regardless, it's amidst the swirl of all of this that my heart and head somehow seemed to conspire and reach agreement that I could use something that's big, that is for me, that will give me a break from the above cycles, and that may even provide, if I'm lucky, some weight control over the 300 lb. monster that continues to gnaw at it's thinning restraints.
So, it's time to quit the traditional Saturday procrastinating. (Oh great, so now blogging can provide yet another source of delaying the inevitable). Time to suit up and go for 10 but better it be 11 this time around in the interest of building up the base.
So good to chat about this....
Just do it!
So anyways, the long run....sometimes it has disappeared from my routine for months, sometimes it only means 4,5 or 6 miles but now I have gone and done it again...I registered for Grandma's marathon to be run on 6/21/08. Why oh why did you do it Mr? I have had this conversation between my head and heart many times.....it goes something like this:
"How about taking on the challenge of running another marathon?"(heart)
"Yeah, it's tempting...would give us a goal and ultimately another accomplishment BUT you must recall that the increase in training demands so often lead to injury and then you can't even run for aerobic exercise" (head)
This kind of back and forth goes on virtually every year as I read about upcoming marathons, hear of people registering. It's been 6+ years since I ran my last marathon, the Twin Cities in 2001 which I dedicated to my ailing father who ultimately died the following month. Actually, the memory of that grueling affair should have been enough to convince me of not succumbing to the allure of trying it all again at what will be my 61st year of life. I just can't erase the agony produced by once again falling for the 'going out too fast' trap, running with the 345 guys, not understanding that that was their pace, 3:45, and keeping with them for the 1st 10 miles before the grim reaper showed up to collect his dues. Remember praying that Sandi would be at the 13 mile mark like she had hoped to be if she could break away from the hospital where her Dad appeared to be in his last days. And then seeing her, breaking into tears, "I can't do this" "I'm broken, empty, only half way" but not having any other choice because I was wearing a t-shirt that said "This marathon dedicated to my Dad: Art XXXXX". Can't d.n.f. with that kind of commitment on your back....finally getting to Summit Ave, limping along, arm in my windbreaker as a sling, grinding it out, no pleasure, no sense of any particular victory but to get it over with. Yeah, how do like these details Mr.? Gonna do it again eh sucker?
OK, OK, so it maybe wasn't a good idea to run that old film clip. Let's segue from that to the present with only a sore left knee so far, and still taken up with the concept of running another one. It's not racking up the 5th one that draws me this time around....nothing particularly magical about the number 5....4 has served me well. So what in the "sam hill" (by the way, who is sam hill and why do we use his name?) caused me to get online and register and even spend $80 bucks for this dubious privilege?
As usual, understanding my motivations is a foggy enterprise at best. As I look through my personal crystal ball, I see lots of swirling stuff and therein lies my first clue....
Stage of life stuff going on. In my early 60's, kind of almost disoriented about what that even sounds like or feels like. Inside I'm still feeling the same as 30 years ago but AARP keeps knocking on my freak'in door with all kinds of sunset offerings. Sheesh, what's a fella to do?
In-laws needing help, amputation, ramps, elevated toilet seats and shower chairs and grab rails and transfers. And my Mom, bless her 91-year-old- heart, bears deliberate monitoring. Even though she continues to be very independent for her age, still driving, volunteering, pumping her own gas....(well done Mom), still must be intentional with keeping her little 4'10" blip clearly tracked on the radar screen of life.
And work, losing heart about carrying on at H&A. Ten years, longest I've ever worked anywhere with modest returns and limited ability to compete in the accumulation of toys contests that seem all the rage. Not feeling like I have a grip on my 'end game'.
And then there's the ongoing launch, from what is now a distance, of the kids...all in 20's (Inga, sorry you're no longer a kid), all kind of scrapping and clawing through the muddle best they know how
I've heard it call the "sandwich" time of life....caught between the ongoing concerns of your own children and your parents.
Well, regardless, it's amidst the swirl of all of this that my heart and head somehow seemed to conspire and reach agreement that I could use something that's big, that is for me, that will give me a break from the above cycles, and that may even provide, if I'm lucky, some weight control over the 300 lb. monster that continues to gnaw at it's thinning restraints.
So, it's time to quit the traditional Saturday procrastinating. (Oh great, so now blogging can provide yet another source of delaying the inevitable). Time to suit up and go for 10 but better it be 11 this time around in the interest of building up the base.
So good to chat about this....
Just do it!
Sunday, February 3, 2008
Proverbial blogging toe breaks the water.
So it's Superbowl Sunday, I stop watching the game, come down to the computer and, despite my Luddite nature, I sit down and figure out how to create a blog. So strange how things so often work out. (I guess it's obvious I'm not much of a pro-sports fan) Less than 2 years ago I didn't really know what a blog was. And now I sit here wondering in my head about my motivations for doing this. It feels a bit presumptuous (as if I really have something to say) a bit like grandstanding "Hey everybody, look at me, read me". But I have given it some thought and I launch this ...
1.To exercise writing, to make an effort to nail thoughts/observations using the written word.
2. To get stuff 'up and out'....to express and to see what I feel, to get to know me better, to thrash out things that only vaguely make themselves known in my head and that only occasionally.
3.To make an effort at being transparent, a quality I often hear myself saying I value and yet it remains elusive.
4. To understand myself...possibly to be understood better by others.
So, only a couple of hundred words into this and I've discovered something I believe will be important for me as a type of Ground Rule (sure don't want to end up with many of those!). I want to write as an end in itself, not with any type of audience in mind. Although I have no reason to believe anyone will even be able to find this, it feels important not to be wanting to be liked, thought clever, appreciated or any other such performance-oriented thing. This should just be for me, let the chips fall where they may, with no thought given to whether or not I might be resonating with anyone else. I think (hope) that outlook might help make this blogging escapade more presumption-proof and free of endless editing with other readers in mind.
Still, it's interesting to note...then why not just journal?.....(I do).....why a publicly available blog?
The picture that comes to mind with this question is one of those giant antennae dishes that beam messages to outer space just in case there is someone actually out there and to see what happens if they pick up the signal. So yes, it does lend a sort of background excitement to blog. Who knows, perhaps I will meet some like-minded friends, maybe experience some heckling, perhaps Thomas Nelson will call with a contract..... I like that unknown aspect of this deal.
So, I have popped the cork and I'm off, 500'Flyby is launched. Just above the treetops, moving quite fast, no time to dwell in painful detail on any one thing, just bits and pieces, soundbites really. If I need to dwell longer I'll just get a helicopter instead of a fixed-wing and hover.
So long for now....
Can't miss House!
1.To exercise writing, to make an effort to nail thoughts/observations using the written word.
2. To get stuff 'up and out'....to express and to see what I feel, to get to know me better, to thrash out things that only vaguely make themselves known in my head and that only occasionally.
3.To make an effort at being transparent, a quality I often hear myself saying I value and yet it remains elusive.
4. To understand myself...possibly to be understood better by others.
So, only a couple of hundred words into this and I've discovered something I believe will be important for me as a type of Ground Rule (sure don't want to end up with many of those!). I want to write as an end in itself, not with any type of audience in mind. Although I have no reason to believe anyone will even be able to find this, it feels important not to be wanting to be liked, thought clever, appreciated or any other such performance-oriented thing. This should just be for me, let the chips fall where they may, with no thought given to whether or not I might be resonating with anyone else. I think (hope) that outlook might help make this blogging escapade more presumption-proof and free of endless editing with other readers in mind.
Still, it's interesting to note...then why not just journal?.....(I do).....why a publicly available blog?
The picture that comes to mind with this question is one of those giant antennae dishes that beam messages to outer space just in case there is someone actually out there and to see what happens if they pick up the signal. So yes, it does lend a sort of background excitement to blog. Who knows, perhaps I will meet some like-minded friends, maybe experience some heckling, perhaps Thomas Nelson will call with a contract..... I like that unknown aspect of this deal.
So, I have popped the cork and I'm off, 500'Flyby is launched. Just above the treetops, moving quite fast, no time to dwell in painful detail on any one thing, just bits and pieces, soundbites really. If I need to dwell longer I'll just get a helicopter instead of a fixed-wing and hover.
So long for now....
Can't miss House!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)