WHY? (not by the Accents)

So let's give this a crack.  Sitting here not feeling "inspired" to write like I have been know to feel when blogs used to fly off my fingers. Last post ended with something about now that I have the WHY of writing let's get on with it.  But hold up kimosabe, hold up.  I would like to develop this all a bit more.  Specifically, to get more clarity, punch, succinctness around this concept of writing as Edenic, writing as naming things, writing as taking a raw, undefined lump of clay and letting the statue come out of the mass (there is a quote about this out there somewhere).


As I learn and practice slowing down in order to see the graces and give the thanks, I am more aware of ignoring a lot of "passing" thoughts. Assorted unnamed fears, fledgling observations and vague concepts are simply left by the roadside as I speed along happily multi-tasking.  Writing absolutely doesn't allow such aimless, mad speeding.  Choosing words that describe foggy thoughts is intentional as intentional can be.  Writing is the parachute that pops open on the pointless dragster and beckons one to get close in and clip on the macro lens.  Gosh, even the title of my blog is in opposition to such methodicalness.  Just a quick flyby is hardly going to nail down any nebulousness.  Nope, need to drop down onto the forest floor and sort through those acorns and pine cones in order to develop a canadian-water-clear thought.


So naming things is Edenic. And it is part of subduing the earth which is a mandate I continue to share as a son of Abba.  OK, got that.  And writing is a process of 'naming'  things...at least describing them, articulating the parts and pieces of concepts in the effort to make them understandable, communicable and life-giving.  If this is in fact true, if I am not taking too much license in applying 'naming' things to writing, then I get very excited about writing because it takes on a purpose that is part of my Kingdom job description and therefore worthwhile to do and spend time on.  It is not just some frivolous, narcissistic form of mental masturbation. It is authorized from above, it honors God my creator, it fulfills at least a portion of my calling as an eternal citizen and a member of the royal priesthood of believers.  I am authorized, I have a delegated authority to subdue confusion, to bring clarity, to replace mushy, ill-conceived, harmful notions and to identify all lies, root and renounce them out and to install truth in their place.  That is a glorious undertaking, is it not?  Come on, look at this!  If this is true then I have a mission to bring this part of the gospel into all I do and writing is at least one of the ways to promote such restoration in this fallen world as it courses it's way towards freedom and full redemption.

Phew! That felt good to say!!  Father, am I barking up an OK tree here?  Am I smelling what you are cooking correctly?  I am humbled by the recollection of how easily I can be misled or self-deluded but I refuse to just stay in my cell as a compliant prisoner of my own making.  I have heard myself say and I have felt hungry for more "transformation".  Well bunky, I believe that these thoughts about writing are involved with that process as a discipline, a tool to bring healed, restored thought and definition to what has been previously put out of joint, mangled and made ineffective.  Gosh, that elevates writing to a holy act, at least when submitted to God, an opportunity for me to act as an heir of God and Christ. "To set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace." (R8,6)

And whom, might I ask,  is this writing intended for?  Are you suggesting the world is breathlessly on standby as it awaits these pearls of truth that dribble out this blog spigot?  Au contraire tater salad , au contraire.  The only person's transformation that  I can ultimately participate in to any significant extent is my own.  My writing is not to be geared for any segment of the outside. I am both the preacher and the congregation and I believe that if I keep that in mind, write honestly, with no aspirations or yearnings for broader audiences, then I should be just fine.  Being intentional is asking God to transform me, writing in and around personal subluxations is very much a part of subduing this world one member at a time.

So for future posts, it seems appropriate to name things (write) in those categories of life that cause me to regularly limp.  Exploring the forest floor of fear, anxiety, being hard on myself, selfishness are all possibilities.  A search and destroy mission against the most un-transformed Santiago bits.  I suggest we just let this all sit in the pot on simmer until our next visit.  We can check back in on it then, take a taste and see if time away brings sense or not to the above discussion.  Until then.....empty to fill. And continued thanks to Ann Voskamp!

Santiago Returns

Wow, you know it's been a long time when it took me about 30 minutes to find my own blog and then actually get access to it. Password had aged out I guess.  It's like the health care system....what's supposed to be for you can actually seem set against you.

So it's been a year, over a year. Kind of lost my way on blogging. The first 34 posts were done during a time when there was a bit of a blogging community that I was a part of. I would often lose my way, lose the WHY? of writing/posting. And then there was the whole thing of wondering who might read and what they might have to say by way of comment. Although kind of exciting in the expectancy that came with it, all in all in wasn't helpful for me. I would like to write with no audience in mind, to have the writing process be an end in itself. With that in mind I believe I have turned off the ability for others to comment (if I did it correctly). Now, only members of this blog can comment and I am the only member....brilliant!

Rather than try and recap the 15 months or so that has gone by, I really just want to start fresh. Being present, seeking the transformation that has in large part been elusive (at least measured by me, which I'm not certain you can really do all that adequately). We are pursuing this exploration of missional discipleship community right now in the effort to explore doing "church" differently. I am hungry to live these career twilight times with less fear and trepidation. If perfect love does in fact cast out fear then I have a lot more need for more perfect love!

Reading Ann Voskamp's 1000 Gifts has been quite inspirational....it even set me down to write tonight. On my 2nd read which is fairly rare.  I was watching a You Tube of one of her interviews and several things stood out that parallel what I have found in writing. Things like not even knowing what you thought about something until you write about it. About the power of naming things and for me writing is naming fuzzy thoughts and birthing them into articulated substance. Even heard the quote from Eric Little in one of the interviews, the very line that I have used to describe writing....Yes, when I write (and later read it) I too feel the pleasure of God. It's somewhere in the strange co-mingling of my self-familiarity with the presence of someone else that I believe to be Christ in me. The resulting product can often be like reading something fresh, not at all something that I actually wrote.  So very strange and yet absolutely exhilarating! 

Writing is work and I have a very lazy streak in me. I like to check things off my list, keep things moving, accomplish in some volume. But I can't do that with writing...it leads me to only writing when I am in a certain mood which is on the same cycle as 'blue moons'. Everything of value is work, good and lasting things come through intentionality, through honest effort, focus. One doesn't birth anything without expending plenty of energy and for me, thrashing around until I name it is a messy, tiring exercise that keeps me totally in the dark until it is over and done.

So I have returned with a desire to exercise a gift God gave me to communicate with written words. I want to exercise this for Him, because He gave it to me. I want to derive clarity and increased freedoms for myself by being honest, by exploring 2' fears casting 7' shadows. I desire to form a discipline in writing even when I don't feel like it because "writers" write. If I want to get better at writing I must write. This is my first, renewed step to write, to feel the pleasure of God and do at least part of what I was created to do. All this but with no thought of it having any purpose other than allowing a James/God dialogue, to grow in Christ, to be a more thankful, courageous member of the Kingdom community.

So, welcome back ol' friend.  Thank you for taking some time to dust off the old cobwebs and clack the keys.  I  choose to glory in having no idea where to go from here.  The words above have established sufficient WHY.  Now it's time for some DO!
And oh by the way...let's skip the search for clever pictures to accompany the posts...as they say on American Idol..."this is a singing contest".  So no superfulous efforts on prettifying the blog....just write from the heart and all will be well compadre!