Hello, my name's retirement....what's yours?

Man, it has been almost 3 years since posting anything on 500' Flyby.  I returned today to take a fresh crack at expressing some thoughts that may or may not even be there once trying to articulate them.  I've just completed my initial 13 or 14 months from ending my career at Hilleren & Associates. It has also been that long working as a lifeguard at Shoreview Community Center.  This was meant to be the little side job that provided some structure/purpose/place to be as well as some monthly income while I figured out how to navigate the initial headwaters of retirement.

It is so clear in my mind how I longed to be done with the rigmarole of earning a living via my 100% commission job as a headhunter. So many times pulling into the parking ramp and being aware of uttering "how long oh Lord.....how long must the stress-filled monotony go on?"  It was all that much harder since I ran out of emotional gas to continue at least 12-15 months before the end came in January, 2016.  There was nothing to do but gut it out and slog through the myriad issues of the voodoo of headhunting:  getting a quality opening, producing viable candidates and walking it out through the gauntlet of interviews and the dripping ice cubes better known as fickle candidates and unpredictable clients.

Yes, it is a bit surreal to remember looking through the windshield at the concrete of parking ramp with the longing for it to be over and contrast it to now looking at the computer screen in the search for how best to express the essence of it all. Hey, it is now over, I have survived the initial year of  living on SS while wearing the vest with Retired embroidered on the back. And now it is time for another step in the "plan".  In just one week I will complete my stint as a lifeguard and cease my income-producing work.

Tax time was pretty interesting this year.  In 2017 I had only $1700 in taxable income and owed no income tax!!  It has been over 50 years of a vastly alternative picture and the sudden change in reality seems abrupt in an all-of-a-sudden kind of way. The sale of 4121 provided a bolus of funds that, in part, were used to pay off our mortgage and complete one of Ericka's student loans.  The $ debt picture looks good....as in no debt! Pause.   Wow, no debt is a blessing that deserves to be deliberately pondered in order to extract the full amount of joy and gratitude possible!!!

So I return to the above draft document on this free day...a Friday.  Feels so very good to have nothing scheduled requiring any sort of "watch your time" focus.  Went for my 4 mile walk (1 mile jogged).  A fresh 3 inches of snow last night provided the prettiest, pristine white blanket by way of backdrop.  Showered and headed to Caribou with the paper and just hung out for a couple of hours while Sandi shopped for her upcoming trip to Savannah.

Two weeks of 'batching' it commences next Weds.  This coming Thursday wraps up my stint as a lifeguard.  Part of my oh-so-simple-plan included a part time job to transition from full-time career into the initial launch of retirement.  Now in hindsight, that was a very good move.  The 11-16 hours per week provided structure and a sense of continued purpose that allowed me to ease into the transition.  I would like to claim absolute freedom from all addictions but the need to feel productive seems firmly lodged into my personal system and acts as an admission fee to my sense of satisfaction/contentment.  Spiritually speaking, this is a confession and not just a mere innocuous observation.  Nonetheless, it's part of what my new life-stage finds is a necessary management challenge (or is it more accurate to call it something to find freedom from?)

Anticipating a visit to Jenna for a day or two.  Have been playing/anticipating the idea of leaving a couple of days early and treating it as a type of retreat up on the N. Shore.  Sleep in Purple Rain at night....walk trails....journal.....ponder/philosophize.....listen for Father's voice.  Yikes!  That sounds so very inviting!  May it be so Lord!

Returning to this draft after several days.  Sandi had been in Savannah now for a week and I have since wrapped up the lifeguard bridge job.  Did some reading yesterday about retirement challenges and it was very helpful. Turns out many (but not all) find some difficulty in transitioning.  Seems like for me, with a lifetime practice of having to earn the right for certain things (like eating, relaxation time) the lack of a week-filling agenda poses many hurdles.  Mostly mental perspective, choosing my viewpoint types of challenges.  Like giving myself permission and seeking to slow down, to be OK with doing nothing, not holding myself hostage to accomplishing before allowing enjoyment to enter.  Folks, I confess that entering into the initial phase of this life stage is posing more issues than I had anticipated.

I'll wrap this up for now.  Obviously I will be working through the reality of my new status as the weeks and months go by.  For now, I am reminding myself about a couple of things to be watchful for: be kind to myself (not that "short leash" b.s.for which I have had a propensity), give yourself plenty of time, no deadlines as it is all a process, not a destination. And don't forget to breathe free and dare to celebrate the many freedoms that are wrapped within the troublesome enigmas.

Walk free in Christ Mr. Santiago.....walk free and upright!