It has been a rewarding summer..... my outside projects were both satisfying and solid investments in the property we have been graced to live upon. There was the redo of much of the west side split-rail fence, the rebuilding of the egress window retaining wall, restaining the cedar on the front side of the house, refinishing two outdoor benches. I do truly love envisioning what needs doing and then following through with initiating and completing the tasks at hand. Working with my hands really blesses me.....it really does.
So with the list of projects complete (for now), I couldn't help but wonder about other things I might do (I mean there is a pandemic underway.) Meanwhile, in my ongoing pursuit of deeper intimacy with Jesus, I became aware of a desire to also take a look under the hood of my relationship with Sandi. Although no apparent issues of any significance were on my radar, there is the occasional 'check engine' light. Being retired and around each other continually has motivated me to wonder if there isn't something more that could be found in our partnership. What better investment could there be than in the dynamics of my partnership with this eternal, complicated gift from God? One thing led to another and I was introduced to "emotionally focused therapy" principles explained in the book Created for Connection by Sue Johnson. This book solidified my belief that there was indeed much more potentially available and this was accompanied by a call upon me to pursue it. Now here was a project that was of the mind, will and emotions rather than my hands....frontier for Santiago.
I wasn't sure how my mate would react. Past comments of hers indicated she didn't view counseling/counselors all that well. Some past negative experience seemed at work there. Nonetheless, she was not opposed to my initiative and explained it would be on me to establish any momentum in this arena. Ok, for me that was good enough. After all, I wasn't out to fix anything particularly broken, I merely believed that there was 'more' to be had and that it seemed very worthwhile to pursue.
This and at least one other subsequent post will attempt to articulate some preliminary discoveries as they relate to me.I have completed my first read of the book and now will be going back over highlighted areas and summarizing each chapter in a notebook, (I have begun doing this with books that make a significant impact). At this moment, I am internalizing and digesting what this is touching in me before drawing Sandi too much into some new dance steps. Is this approach the best? Time will tell....
As I read and pondered the key tenants of attachment theory, some of my personal outlook is being called into question. Man is created in the image of the triune God, fellowship and connection with others is part of the very kingdom DNA in each of us. The trinity has always existed, the fellowship of the three in one has never not been. It was found to be not good for original man to be alone and so a helpmate was created. Ultimately, families were formed, communities were formed. Jesus gathered twelve disciples to teach and initiate the kingdom of God upon the earth. So much attachment. Such stark contrast with the decidedly western view of the autonomous individual complete in himself and needing no one else to attain self-actualization.
Many times I have confessed to others that I am not innately drawn to community as it seems so many others are. For me, being part of a house church is based more on obedience to what I believe I am being asked to do by my Father than from a deep, internal longing for community. The natural current of fellowship does not seem to run so strong in me. Perhaps I am more of the "desert father" type? At least that is what I have heard myself say and thoroughly believed in so many conversations with others. Now I am not so sure......
What I cannot deny is an ongoing desire to know and be known. To connect with at least some others at the deepest level. To be entirely authentic. To seek out and destroy posing in my life. To ruthlessly eliminate bullshit in my life (and to cease being so good at it). To be in a vital role, to make a difference. To be a branch that is dependent solely on the Vine. And ultimately, to one day hear my Father say "Well done good and faithful servant."
In my readings and reflection over the last bit of time, I see that I seek to do all of the above from the base camp of 'Jesus and me.' If honest, I totally dismiss or sidestep depending on others in my quest to fulfill these needs. Thoughts that I am just a desert father type who finds himself trying to walk out this sojourn with Jesus..., solely Jesus, are simply not ringing true. In reading the potent little book by Julie Canlis, Theology of the Ordinary,(thank you Mike!) she writes: "Who wants to be bound to other Christians who are paying their mortgages, raising kids, or suffering depression when we can be blazing a trail with God on our own?" She goes on to quote Michael Horton, author of the book Ordinary: "It's more fun to be part of movements than churches. We can express our own individuality, pick our favorite leaders, and be swept off our feet at conferences. We can by anonymous."
Julie finishes her paragraph with this gut punch (at least for me): "Scripture, on the other hand, teaches that our growth is bound to that of others (Eph 4:13) and other people take time we don't always want to give. Being anonymous, or an 'individual Christian,' is not an option for those of us who follow a God who Himself refuses to be alone." I have read and heard similar things before but somehow her words, coupled with Horton's, seems to have served up a 'tipping point' for me, The words 'bound', 'not an option', and 'a God who Himself refuses to be alone' present to me a type of 'line in the sand'. Santiago, this cavalier 'desert father' reference is just self-serving drivel. Being bound to others/interdependent on each other is what He has for you as well. What has caused you to think/believe otherwise?
-To Be Continued-
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