Ok, baseball-related metaphor: If each base is roughly 24 years, then at my age I am right at third base. Might be a few feet in front of it or, perhaps, I have even just rounded it. The point is that if home plate is the end/goal of this sojourn through life then I have completed 75% of the journey. It's taken some time and in baseball time I expect I am presently right around the bottoem of the seventh inning. Of course this is assuming I get to play all nine innings.... that nothing comes onto the stage that would rob me of the last bits of my ballgame.
On one hand, this can just be viewed as a matter-of-fact piece of reality. But that is not how it came to me. I was cruising through life with nary a thought as to where I was in the grand scheme of things. It wasn't until retirement came along, some time of brooding reflection occurred, and a friend or two received life-threatening diagnoses that I was slapped into a sober awareness of just where I was presently situated in the game of life. Prior to this, I was blissfully just grinding along as though the world was indeed my oyster and my quiver was chock-full of an endless supply of tomorrows.
So coming to grips with where I am in the sojourn helps foster an eternal perspective. Not because of any inherent spiritual or philosophical skill sets I possess. It's simply a fact that the sand is running out of the temporal hour glass and focusing on mere passing fancies just doesn't hold my interest any longer. John 15:5 opened up to me one recent day and it has made all the difference "I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in me, and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing."
It's the last part of that verse that has jumped out at me and has been informing my entire outlook, my reality, my prioritization of life. If I can indeed do nothing apart from him then my entire mission in life is to eliminate being apart from him. Intimacy with Christ cannot be a mere sentiment or distant, lofty goal. It must become the fibers of each day I am given and I must be open to ruthlessly eliminating all that would make me believe the lie of self-sufficiency.
A challenge is that this can all seem so idealistic, so apparently non-attainable, so utterly dependent on someone outside of myself to make it happen. What could be less pragmatic? "Heh Santiago, what have you been up to lately? Oh, pursuing intimacy with Christ, increasing the radical aspects of my surrender and dependence on Christ. Nothing really special......" Zowsa!! And yet, yep, that is the conclusion I have reached based on the impossibility of doing anything of any kingdom value apart from him.
So how to proceed given that my outlook finds me peering into such a misty vista that reappears afresh each day. Coupled with my addiction to producing a sense of daily accomplishment serves only to make it all the more uncomfortable and disorienting. Now that I have achieved the elusive goal of retirement, many of the things that used to serve to make me feel useful and productive are gone. Much of my life has been chimerical. I now stand more exposed as a human being....the Wizard's curtain now removed. No more career and related activities to serve as a sort of stand-in for feeling good about myself. Now, my identity feels more bare naked, sometimes squirming under the noon-day sun with nowhere to hide.
It's normally a bad thing to be backed into a corner. But now, I'm not so sure that Jesus hasn't apprehended me, opened my eyes to the reality that is his for me. I'm sure resistance is futile....I only don't want to fight against it any longer. Apart from Jesus, I can do nothing so my life must focus on ruthlessly eliminating everything Jesus points out to me that is keeping us apart.
Lord, protect me from losing my focus on this truth. There is no next thing calling me that is more critical than the union point of my branch to your vine. Father, I believe I yearn to be part of the triune dance. Give me the drive and energy to stay on this trail that brings me closer to you. Purge me of all false lovers and every impostor offering easier, counterfeit versions of such an intimacy . Bring me the fellowship of like-minded pilgrims who are in sync with seeing things similarly. Have your way in my transformation Holy Spirit....you know what I am intended to be, you have the way of my transformation into your image fully in mind. It's to you I surrender my self-efforts and all artificial trappings designed only to impress and fool others.
Play ball!
So coming to grips with where I am in the sojourn helps foster an eternal perspective. Not because of any inherent spiritual or philosophical skill sets I possess. It's simply a fact that the sand is running out of the temporal hour glass and focusing on mere passing fancies just doesn't hold my interest any longer. John 15:5 opened up to me one recent day and it has made all the difference "I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in me, and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing."
It's the last part of that verse that has jumped out at me and has been informing my entire outlook, my reality, my prioritization of life. If I can indeed do nothing apart from him then my entire mission in life is to eliminate being apart from him. Intimacy with Christ cannot be a mere sentiment or distant, lofty goal. It must become the fibers of each day I am given and I must be open to ruthlessly eliminating all that would make me believe the lie of self-sufficiency.
A challenge is that this can all seem so idealistic, so apparently non-attainable, so utterly dependent on someone outside of myself to make it happen. What could be less pragmatic? "Heh Santiago, what have you been up to lately? Oh, pursuing intimacy with Christ, increasing the radical aspects of my surrender and dependence on Christ. Nothing really special......" Zowsa!! And yet, yep, that is the conclusion I have reached based on the impossibility of doing anything of any kingdom value apart from him.
So how to proceed given that my outlook finds me peering into such a misty vista that reappears afresh each day. Coupled with my addiction to producing a sense of daily accomplishment serves only to make it all the more uncomfortable and disorienting. Now that I have achieved the elusive goal of retirement, many of the things that used to serve to make me feel useful and productive are gone. Much of my life has been chimerical. I now stand more exposed as a human being....the Wizard's curtain now removed. No more career and related activities to serve as a sort of stand-in for feeling good about myself. Now, my identity feels more bare naked, sometimes squirming under the noon-day sun with nowhere to hide.
It's normally a bad thing to be backed into a corner. But now, I'm not so sure that Jesus hasn't apprehended me, opened my eyes to the reality that is his for me. I'm sure resistance is futile....I only don't want to fight against it any longer. Apart from Jesus, I can do nothing so my life must focus on ruthlessly eliminating everything Jesus points out to me that is keeping us apart.
Lord, protect me from losing my focus on this truth. There is no next thing calling me that is more critical than the union point of my branch to your vine. Father, I believe I yearn to be part of the triune dance. Give me the drive and energy to stay on this trail that brings me closer to you. Purge me of all false lovers and every impostor offering easier, counterfeit versions of such an intimacy . Bring me the fellowship of like-minded pilgrims who are in sync with seeing things similarly. Have your way in my transformation Holy Spirit....you know what I am intended to be, you have the way of my transformation into your image fully in mind. It's to you I surrender my self-efforts and all artificial trappings designed only to impress and fool others.
Play ball!
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